America's Next Top Model
Nikos Papadopoulos

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Work Your Salad

The next morning, the girls lounge and have a lovely breakfast before being visited by Jay Manuel. He is oranger than ever, probably because of some sort of chemical reaction caused by the sun and salt water. He drops the news that the girls are all going to collaborate with a fabulous designer to create a gown for the final runway show. Said fabulous designer is Michael Cinco, who also created all the crazy gowns in Cycle 16's landfill shoot. This guy walks in, and we learn that basically the ladies are being dressed by a ghoul. A ghoul Michael Jackson impersonator, at that. The theme for the show will be "immortal goddess." That Michael Cinco was not available to create the looks for "Ghost Brides" is a tragedy from which we may never recover. Jay tells everyone that only two of them will be in the final runway show wearing their dresses, so the efforts of the others are all for naught.

Each model gets five minutes to share her vision with Michael. Angelea has an idea, girl. It's to make the dress very "Grace Jones meets Greek culture." I like it. Laura says that her goddess is the goddess of birth -- birth of calves and wheat. The goddess of chopped bull testicles, really. Allison requests something romantic, with a lot of flowers and lace. Lisa wants little strings of Christmas lights around her dress. This is the first time we hear Michael object, on the grounds that he doesn't like to make things that look tacky. We cut back to Allison, who I think falls asleep for a minute while Michael is sketching. Then there's Dominique, who wants some sort of sparkly metal object dangling over her crotch. Michael gives her a suspect look, but says nothing. Shannon wants something sexy but yet conservative, like a leather and lace chastity belt. Angelea's final directive is, "Just make it look good, boo." Michael assures her that he will call upon all his underlegions of the dead to help grant her request.

Later, we learn that Laura is not feeling so hot. Her head is pounding, and her whole body feels like it's going to fall apart. But, she says, you'll never hear a complaint from her because she feels so blessed to even be there. She does seem like a total trooper. The girls head to the beach, where they meet Jay Manuel. He is standing on a platform that also contains a large object. When I first saw it, I was like, "Is that a giant bowl?" I had NO IDEA what genius delights awaited us. Jay tells the ladies that one of the main things that Greece is known for is -- not the Parthenon, or being the cradle of western civilization, or the birthplace of the Olympics, or classic mythology -- but Greek salad. Greek. Salad. The show could have saved itself a whole bunch of money and just had the girls travel to a diner in Long Island. Jay continues that the girls will not only be shooting in Greek salad (!!!!) but will be modeling underwear. Well, that makes perfect sense. I mean, if you're going to get in a giant bowl of Greek salad. At the word "underwear," of course, Shannon's face falls. She tells Jay that she doesn't do kalamata olives. Or underwear, for that matter. As Shannon tells us that she's made her nonsensical position on modeling in underwear clear, and yet is being put in yet another position where she is expected to wear underwear (surprise! Who could have predicted THAT?), we head to commercials.

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America's Next Top Model

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