America's Next Top Model

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Potes: B+ | 2 USERS: A+
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European Disunion

Previously on ANTM: Tyra taught the girls how to work their signature poses, and Marjorie made everyone sing "Baby Got (Hunch)Back." Lauren Brie failed in the week's award-show-themed photo shoot and was sent home. Seven bitches remain!

As the girls head home from judging in their limo, Sheena laments the fact that the judges don't think she's modelesque. Someone yells at her to prove them wrong. Sheena interviews that being in the bottom two is nerve-wracking, and this week she has to bring it. Every time Sheena says anything I am reminded of Maria, the little girl whom I mentor, who upon decking out some sort of Barbie-typed paper doll, yelled out, "My girl looks bangin', okay?" She could for sure grow up to be a sassy wannabe model. Elina, meanwhile, talks to Marjorie and complains that Tyra told her that she still wasn't letting go, even when she cried one tear and her heart grew ten sizes that day. Marjorie sympathizes, saying that such a thing is really hard to hear when your Teflon soul moved three centimeters to the left. Elina pauses for a moment, then says, "God, it's even getting to me right now!" and sheds ANOTHER TEAR! Miraculous. Elina interviews that it's frustrating when the judges say she's not open. And then, the kicker. She adds that the reason why she might be a little more reserved is because she's from Europe, and Europeans have a different way of approaching certain situations. Would someone from Europe like to speak up and tell me why you all are so dead inside?

Back in the limo, Elina says that unless you're from Europe you won't understand. Marjorie adds that every time she cried she was instantly told to shut up. Uhhhhh....huh I think that these two might blame their manners of being less on Europe and more on their weird-ass fucking parents. My parents only told me to shut up when I sang commercials for album compilations verbatim at the dinner table. Joslyn represents all of us when she rolls her eyes as Marjorie and Elina say that it's hard to be understood in the U.S. Okay, what about Roberto Benigni? He seemed awfully expressive! And Marcel Marceau? He expressed all human emotions through creepy-ass clown makeup alone! Marjorie interviews that she definitely understands where Elina's coming from, and that they have a commonality because they're both European. Sam asks the two of them if it is, in fact, true that they came to the U.S. when they were eight and thus have had eleven years to adapt. Elina acts like it's the stupidest question she's ever heard in her life and then spits out, "Do you understand how hurtful that is? As if I haven't dealt with this my whole life? Living here?" She looks like a dragon lady right now. A dead-inside, European dragon lady wearing a beret atop her stank red weave. Oh, and then she cries another tear. WE GET IT.

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America's Next Top Model

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