America's Next Top Model

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European Disunion

Oh, hey, it's Whitney. Oooh, and a cute dog! I would watch that dog's My Life As A Cover Girl every week and squeal with delight. As it is, Whitney's voice makes me want to continue my slow process of deafening myself a little more each day with consistent Q-Tip use.

When we return, Elina says that she doesn't think an understanding can be reached with the other girls. But she doesn't care, because she's in it to win it. Sheena tells us that there's a huge divide in the house, and it's almost like good versus evil. Like the Revolutionary War! I totally want to go dump a teabag in the river or something. Joslyn, meanwhile, is not feeling so hot. She's coughing and generally looking kind of aggrieved. Being sick, she says, she'll have to work that much harder.

The girls head off to a beautiful house in Bel Air, where they see Mr. Jay and a mysterious lady in a chair. Said lady turns around, and it's Whitney. Oh, great. She starts blathering on about some sort of hideous eye shadow and some sort of clumpy mascara, and how when you put it all together it makes for statement-making eyes. Jay and Whitney note that when it's time to film commercials, top models tend to forget their lines. We get flashbacks to winners past biffing their scripts. Jay tells the girls that they'll be getting a teleprompter today, but if they haven't studied their script they're going to sound like jerks anyway, so it's not that much of an advantage. Frank Ockenfels will be the director for the shoot. The girls get their hair and garish makeup done, and practice their lines. We get a close-up of McKey's script, which was clearly printed out on someone's crappy inkjet. Sheena chats up Whitney by saying that she was in the bottom two last week. She's ready to show that she deserves to live another week.

Sam is up first to shoot her commercial. Jay says that in the real world a person would get a couple of takes, but for the purposes of the competition each girl will get five. Frank blocks the commercial with Sam, who seems to vaguely understand what he's telling her. The commercial is standard easy, breezy fair. You know, "life's a blast," "get an eyeful of this," "big, beautiful look at me color," etc. Jay tells us that Sam brought her natural energy to the set, and he loved it. Joslyn, meanwhile, feels terrible. She can't concentrate on reading her lines backstage because she's so nauseous. Methinks she's gonna blow!

Elina is up next. Frank tells her to make it conversational, make it open, make it her. Well, if he wants Elina to be true to herself it will be dead-eyed and sullen. And it kind of is. I think that Elina is so surly all the time because she looks kind of weird when she smiles. This is also true of Europeans because of lack of adequate dental care. Jay kind of rolls his eyes at Elina, and then tells her that she's still too controlled. She's tired of hearing it, and he's tired of saying it. He say that she needs to communicate the lines, not just read them. She tries to convince us that Cover Girl puts the "pow" in "powder." If Cover Girl has taken care of the "pow," that leaves Elina to bring the "der." She gets a couple of takes and tells us that ultimately she thinks she had fun. Inasmuch as someone from Europe can ever have fun.

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America's Next Top Model

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