America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 2 USERS: A+
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European Disunion

Back at home there is Tyra Mail. Someone is getting the boot. Sheena tells us that she wants Marjorie or Elina to go, because those two are the most spiteful and hateful towards her. Marjorie freaks out that she'll be on the chopping block. She says that no one else broke down during the commercial, and no one else sashayed around during the challenge with their dress half falling off. She's scared and says she doesn't want to go home as we head to commercials.

When we return, it's panel time. Tyra welcomes the girls. There are prizes, there are judges, there are questionable wardrobe choices. Frank Ockenfels is the guest judge. Tyra beings the panel process by reminding the girls of Cycle 6, when the girls had to walk in impossibly high heels and maybe broke their ankles but who cares because they signed their lives away when they came on the show! Tyra went out and found some hideous orange and yellow clogs for the girls to work. Each model has to walk in them, to kind of hilarious effect. Marjorie has never looked so elfin. Sheena actually does a pretty good job, as does Joslyn, even though she adds a wink at the end of her walk. Sam sucks, and maybe falls on her ass. Once they're done, Tyra tells the girls that it's important to know how to walk in all kinds of shoes, and especially wooden clogs. Why is this? Because they're going overseas to Amsterdam! And then the Aswirl Twins come out dressed as windmills, and Paulina and Miss J. are wearing blonde braids, and there's a yellow flashing "Amersterdam" caption at the bottom of the screen along with some little bobbing Dutch people, and it's all kind of freaky like that point in Xanadu where they turn into trippy drug-fueled cartoons. And then Tyra takes great glee in cutting this happy moment short by noting that not everyone's going to Holland. So cruel!

Once the Amsterdam hijinx are over, it's time for evaluations. Sam is up first. I find her commercial reading to be a bit aggressive. Tyra tells Sam that she had a teleprompter and still wasn't able to make the commercial her own. Frank says that Sam didn't enunciate her words, and then everyone does an impression of her. Fun times! Marjorie is next. Her rapid-fire dialogue leads Miss J. to compare her to a clucking chicken, which cracks Sheena up. Analeigh is next. Tyra tells her that her commercial is the best she's ever seen in the history of America's Next Top Model. That is high praise, even if 95% of the contestants are actually functionally retarded. Frank gives her props for being the only one to use the product. It is indeed a good commercial, and Analeigh is pleased.

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America's Next Top Model

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