America's Next Top Model

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Calling All Angels
derstand her twisted body. I will also add that she looks like she has a mutant arm. However her face is very pretty.

As Kacey approaches the panel, ALT tells her that she has on too much fashion. It turns out that a giant, gaudy blob on her chest is actually part of her shirt. Patricia Field fires back, "You shouldn't have bought the shirt." ALT is pleased that Kacey now has contacts. He is not, however, pleased with her picture, which is flat. He loves how she's positioned her feet and arm, but it's not enough. Pat Field adds that it would be a pretty dance move, but this is in fact not a choreographed piece or dance-related shoot.

When Lexie's predatorial photo pops up Nigel asks, "What's up with the legs?" Lexie explains that she was trying to make it look like she was taking the male model away. Nigel acts both shocked and disgusted at her posing failure. Tyra tells Lexie that not one frame in her film looked remotely predatorial. Nigel adds that the male model has again stolen the shot. Tyra says that Kacey looks more predatorial in her photo, and asks Lexie if she sees the difference. Basically, almost everyone is stinking up this shoot.

Sara is next, and Nigel can only say, "I mean, really?" when her seductive angel photo appears. Pat Field is amazed that so many poses look like dance moves, and conjectures that the models might have been copying each other. Sara unwisely says that, at the time, this is what was easiest for everyone to do. Nigel points out that modeling is not easy, and Vogue Italia is not easy, and no one can afford to be easy. Tyra thinks that Sara looks like an amateur ballet dancer, and ALT says that it lacks aspiration and inspiration. Bad bad bad bad bad. Needless child-abandoning bad, in fact.

We finally get some traction with Chris's heartbroken photo. Though it still looks like a dancer in the body, Chris's face is the best that Nigel has seen yet. Tyra doesn't think that Chris's picture is particularly strong, but because everyone else has been so weak they're grading on a curve. Given this, Chris is at the top of the pack. However, she would be wise to look more broke down the next time she's expressing heartbreak.

Next is Rhianna, with her sultry/hopeless photo. For some reason, Nigel is very happy to see that she's ignoring her male model. It makes the male model more of a prop, and the viewer wonders where Rhianna is looking. Tyra and Nigel both love Rhianna's eyes. I do not love the fact that she's wearing her signature stupid hat again. Kendal's desire/lust photo is next, and is deemed a failure. Tyra thinks that the male model looks more like her son, and Pat explains that lust is more aggressive. Nigel adds that a lustful photo would have neck-scratching nails instead of gently caressing hands. ALT says that Kendal looks like a super future high model in person, but in the photo it's all flatness.

Kayla's evil angel photo works well for the panel. Tyra loves Kayla's mouth, and ALT compliments the gesture of her chin. And finally there's Ann. The judges think it's fabulous, despite the fact that her right leg looks broken and unhinged and especially scrawny and mutant. Nigel asks Ann if she's ever been this physical with a boy before, and Ann says she hasn't. Tyra asks what it felt like, and Ann says that it felt as if they were working together as a team. The judges laugh, although I think this is a perfectly reasonable response given that they had a business relationship. Nigel says that it's a very sensitive picture, and finally one of the girls has outshone her male counterpart. Tyra tells Ann that she's fabulous in her pictures, and should bring some of that fabulousness to bear in person.

Before the judges begin to deliberate, Tyra points out that the film this week was near-disaster. With the caliber of photographers this season, the girls need to step it up. From the critiques, it's pretty obvious who rocked it and who didn't, and the majority of them didn't.

The judges discuss the horrible showing of two-thirds of the girls. It's a perfect opportunity for ALT to exclaim, "Dreck! Itude!" Jane looks striking in her picture, but you can't just be a face and the whole shot is a total mess. Rhianna's body and face are expressive, and sunglass-wearing Pat Field says that the photo tells a story. Lexie looks like an old English society matron, and Tyra thinks that she's stuck in her head. Nigel is not seduced by Sara's picture. She's come alive with her new hair color, but there's no fire in her photo. Kacey's photo is dance and not model or high fashion, and she doesn't seem to know what her chosen word means. Kendal is trying to make a facial expression, but fails. There's slight emotion in Chris's face. Nigel thinks that she looks like a mannequin being picked off of a shop floor, and for that reason the photo works -- it's different, quirky, and unusal. There's no life or movement in Liz's picture, and Esther's lacking any type of excitement, passion, or inner life. Kayla's picture is one of Pat's favorite. Tyra likes it too and notes that she's employed a subtle evil. Nigel thinks that Chelsey's shot is one of the best, and there's a real sense of modeling in it. Pat agrees that there's a dynamic of mystery in the photo. Ann fascinates Nigel -- she's very awkward, but genius in front of the camera. ALT says that Ann is like the great Penelope Tree who was considered an ugly duckling but was one of the great high fashion models. Tyra loves that Ann is blossoming in front of them. And with that, the judges have reached a decision.

The girls return and Tyra tells them that the shoot was extremely disappointing. However, there were a few who stood out from the dreckitude of the pack. These four are called first, en masse. They are Kayla, Chelsey, Chris and Ann. Tyra gives them kudos, and announces that Ann once again has the best photo. She looks super shy about it. Kayla is again the runner up for best photo, followed by Chelsey and Chris. The dreck models are then called -- Rhianna, Liz, Jane, Kacey, Kendal, and Esther. This leaves Lexie and Sara in the bottom two. Lexie was supposed to be predatorial. At this, Tyra makes her hand into a claw and exclaims, "Gah! Gah!" Pterodactyls are, in fact, pretty predatorial. Sara chose seductive for her emotion. Lexie delivered blah instead of "Gah!" while Sara delivered a ballet dancer. So who stays? Despite the fact that the photographer told us she shouldn't model, Lexie stays. I think this is probably because she's good with the sound clips while Sara is kind of boring. Tyra hands Lexie her photograph and says that she gave them not predatorial, and not editorial, but "deadatorial." I wonder if she thought of that by herself.

Tyra hugs Sara and explains that her new look was more editorial, but she got lost behind it. It's her job to go home and practice and push through and try to work through the guilt about leaving her son. Good luck with that. Sara is a mess with feelings of needless abandonment. She tells us that she knows she has it in herself to be a model, but just couldn't do it. However, she trusts Tyra's opinion on her look and will use it when she goes out to try to find an agency. I would maybe add the eyebrows back, though.

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America's Next Top Model




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