America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 1313 USERS: B-
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Crouching Tyra, Hidden Drag Queen

Previously: The girls collaborated on an "expressive" dance challenge where they were masked, and all looked 100% more attractive. As if having to do interpretive dance wasn't punishment enough, they were also forced to go to Vegas where they encountered a giant Canadian tie-dye snail mime and a ringmaster who looked like an even more undead Mr. Jay. Ashley had no fire and so got the boot. Eight bitches remain!

We enter with the girls in their giant limo, on the way home from panel. Laura and Sundai talk about how they'd like to see their actual best photos from the Cirque du Soleil shoot, as opposed to the still-good photo that was chosen because they had to cater to the worst model in the three-person shot. Sundai is particularly happy to know that it was Erin and Nicole who were the weak links in her shot. Not so happy about this is Nicole. We flash back to Tyra telling Nicole, who was nestled in the crotch of a Cirque acrobat, that she lost her magic. That's because Cirque acrobats get all their magic via a head-to-crotch transmission. Nicole was putting herself in danger of losing her powers without even knowing it! She's also worried that the judges think she has no personality. Technically, they just think she has the personality of a weird stoner. Where would they get that idea? Nicole is ready to prove that she's more than just a Bloody Eyeball anecdote.

Meanwhile Kara, who is scarfing down snacks and totally has crumbs on her face (or...wait, is that a mole?), speaks with her mouth full (gah) and tells the others that she's casting for America's Next Top Model: The Musical. Er, no comment. Rae auditions for the role of Laura, and sings in a Southern accent about making pinto beans and eating collard greens. Excellent food-related rhyme! Rae also sings, as Laura, that her boyfriend works on the railroad. All the livelong day? Is this a true fact? There's then a very bizarre interview with Laura, in which she has either been crying a whole bunch or got very drunk after having a bad chemical peel. She says in either drunk or distraught voice with her shiny red face that even though people see her as a small town girl, she's been out of the small town a whole bunch. Okay, then. I guess this has been our weekly reminder that Laura's a hopeless hick.

America's Next Top Model

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