America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 1313 USERS: B-
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Crouching Tyra, Hidden Drag Queen

Tyra Mail! "How driven are you? We'll find out tomorrow. Love, Tyra." Laura, whose extreme happiness all these weeks possibly has just been inebriation, screams that they'll be driving bumper cars. Rae tells us that the girls are very confused, but have deduced that there must be a hidden meaning in this Tyra Mail. Meanwhile, Kara thinks that everyone should just vote Nicole off the island. Apparently, some others agree. Rae pipes in and says that Nicole doesn't simply have a lack of social skills, she has a lack of feeling and soul. They kind of make her sound like a sociopath. Kara adds that Nicole has the social graces of a fetus. This is my cue to jump in and add that I have always thought Leonardo DiCaprio looks like a fetus. It has nothing to do with the matter at hand, but I always like to run that one by people to see if they agree. Anyhoo, these girls are haters. Kara interviews that Nicole is like a monotone robot, and to boot she's really excelling in the competition and doing quite a bit better than Kara herself. Maybe it's because she's actually attractive and doesn't have a Simpsons mouth. Kara really bugs me.

The next day, the girls wake up early and head back to Wilhelmina, where they meet up with Sean Patterson, the smarmy president of the company. He tells them that it's go-see day! Laura says that she's very excited, because this is unlike anything that people in her area do. But, she says, she likes an adventure. And really... do people in any city or town typically partake in go-sees? Maybe tomorrow on my lunch break I'll just head down to Karl Lagerfeld's shop and get my Polaroid taken. So drunk. Sean introduces the girls to Lauren Shiohama, who's had a whole bunch of campaigns and is only 5'7". So pretty. So wooden. Lauren tells the girls that there are lots of opportunities in Los Angeles, particularly for petite models. She adds that in addition to setting up go-sees with designers, they also have a reading set up with a world-renowned advertising agency. Oh, and here is where the "driven" part comes in. The girls will be broken up into teams of two, and will have to get around in L.A. using a car and an old-school map. No GPS for these fools. Much like addressing envelopes, I don't think that the ability to read a map is taught in schools anymore, so these ladies are in for a world of hurt. Sean tells the girls that they can go to the go-sees in any order, but they have to meet him back at Wilhelmina's offices at 4:00 p.m. And you all know what happens to the bitches who get back to the office late. The teams are as such: Jennifer and Erin; Brittany and Kara; Sundai and Rae; and Nicole and Laura. They grab their portfolios, maps, and car keys, and are sent into the wild.

America's Next Top Model

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