America's Next Top Model

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Crouching Tyra, Hidden Drag Queen

The next day, the girls wake up early and head back to Wilhelmina, where they meet up with Sean Patterson, the smarmy president of the company. He tells them that it's go-see day! Laura says that she's very excited, because this is unlike anything that people in her area do. But, she says, she likes an adventure. And really... do people in any city or town typically partake in go-sees? Maybe tomorrow on my lunch break I'll just head down to Karl Lagerfeld's shop and get my Polaroid taken. So drunk. Sean introduces the girls to Lauren Shiohama, who's had a whole bunch of campaigns and is only 5'7". So pretty. So wooden. Lauren tells the girls that there are lots of opportunities in Los Angeles, particularly for petite models. She adds that in addition to setting up go-sees with designers, they also have a reading set up with a world-renowned advertising agency. Oh, and here is where the "driven" part comes in. The girls will be broken up into teams of two, and will have to get around in L.A. using a car and an old-school map. No GPS for these fools. Much like addressing envelopes, I don't think that the ability to read a map is taught in schools anymore, so these ladies are in for a world of hurt. Sean tells the girls that they can go to the go-sees in any order, but they have to meet him back at Wilhelmina's offices at 4:00 p.m. And you all know what happens to the bitches who get back to the office late. The teams are as such: Jennifer and Erin; Brittany and Kara; Sundai and Rae; and Nicole and Laura. They grab their portfolios, maps, and car keys, and are sent into the wild.

The girls have four hours total, and Brittany and Kara race into their car. Kara notes that Brittany is very competitive, so she makes a good partner. Laura drives while Nicole tries her hand at map-reading, and notes that she was pretty scared to drive in L.A. traffic, which is a lot more intimidating than what you'd find on the Dogpatch Expressway. She notes that if she puts a few dents and scratches into her own car (Pinto? El Camino? Whatever the Dukes of Hazzard drove?) it's okay, but banging up their nice rental is a whole different story. Rae and Sundai decide to go to the furthest location first, and as they pull out -- obeying the speed limit all the while -- Brittany and Kara speed past them. Brittany and Kara make it to designer Neil Lane first, with Rae and Sundai behind them. The latter team is thus forced to wait, while the clock ticks down valuable seconds. Neil Lane is a jewelry designer, and Kara is unsure how that will affect the go-see. As it turns out, Kara doesn't have pierced ears, which Mr. Lane notes is pretty much a disastrous thing. Did she not have a Piercing Pagoda in her local mall? At least Laura probably took a lighter to Grandma Wanda Sue's sewing needle and took care of that business her own self. Neil can't believe that Kara doesn't have pierced ears, and tells us that he wouldn't book her for a campaign. However, he thinks that Brittany is very glamorous and would definitely use her for a campaign.

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America's Next Top Model

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