America's Next Top Model
Planes, Trains and Slow Automobiles

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5 A.M. in Amsterdam

The girls rush off to their first task, which is to buy a train ticket to Amsterdam Central. Marjorie and Analeigh run to the ticket booth, but Marjorie sadly has been so acculturated that she temporarily forgets that she can't use American money to pay. The ticket guy quite hilariously asks them if they know where they are. Sheena and McKey take a look at the city transportation map, and Sheena acknowledges that even for a New Yorker it's challenging. Elina has to take off her shoes and go barefoot so she can run. With that uncomfortably repressed smile that makes her face look like it's going to crack, she says that it was one of the most fun things she's ever done. She says that a lot, which really underscores the fact that Elina has not had a whole lot of fun in her life. Sam and Elina make it onto their train, while Marjorie and Analeigh struggle to find the platform. And now let's allow Sheena to narrate verbatim for a moment: "I'm thinking Amsterdam is going to be, like, grimy and dirty and, like, weed and sex and alcohol. But it is so gorgeous." She says "alcohol" like "ALL-cohol," like Amsterdam is such a sin pit that they have ALL the alcoholics you could ever want lining the streets. Also, I don't think weed and sex and alcohol precludes a place from being gorgeous. Or at least that's what I say when I bring friends home to my apartment.

The girls move on to task number two: "Once off train, find ANY public phone for instructions." Well that seems simple. Sheena and McKey are in first place, but can't find a phone anywhere. Sam tells us that she got to sightsee a bit as she ran through Amsterdam. There are canals everywhere, she says, and apparently one leads her to a pay phone. McKey and Sheena finally find one, too, and they learn that their third task is to find Dam Centrum. Once there, they will take a very special one-a-day vitamin and just mellow out for a couple hours. Sam, Elina, Sheena and McKey are all neck and neck. Elina complains that she can't run anymore in her sandals and Sam tells her that ripped-up feet are worth the 50 extra frames. Sam and Elina apparently find Dam Centrum, and then have to find another pay phone to get the address to their house. Out of nowhere Marjorie and Analeigh appear. I thought they were way behind! Oh, crafty editors. On the phone, Sam and Elina learn that they are to take a cab to their house. Well that's not very exciting. I think they should have had to run uphill on stilts while carrying six giant melons or 5-kilo bags of weed or something.

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America's Next Top Model




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