America's Next Top Model
Planes, Trains and Slow Automobiles

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5 A.M. in Amsterdam

Analeigh is next. She tells us that she realized that if she used figure skating, it wouldn't work. However, if she moves her body naturally and trusts herself, then her skating will come through. Jay tells us that it was a "Hallelujah!" moment, and that Analeigh finally brought the skater to set and used it to her advantage. She hangs on some ropes on the side of the ship, and Jay is forced to exclaim, "You go, supermodel!" Her face still looks kind of busted, but she really is doing cool things with her body. Finally there's Analeigh's lover, Marjorie. Jay gives her some tips for making her arm look like it hasn't been amputated. He tells us that she finally took some constructive criticism and didn't internalize it, which tells him that she's listening to him and without crumbling and crying. She looks all freaky (in a good way), and it's a wrap!

Back at home there is another Tyra Post. Someone is going home. Sheena tells us that she doesn't think she's the weakest. She feels like she's improving, and getting more modelesque. However, no matter how beautiful and talented you are, she says, you can always end up going home. So she's fighting hard for this and says that she will never give up. Elina tells us that she was happy with her photo shoot and her performance and didn't think she was holding anything back, but she has learned many times that you never know what your picture is going to look like. With a certain feeling of doom in the air, we Hoitink to commercials.

When we return it's panel time! And holy shit. McKey is first to walk into the judging room with her Ren Faire chain mail beer wench costume. It is quite something. But we'll get to that in a bit. Tyra tells us that Amsterdam is becoming a fashion capital of the world, but until it reaches that point it will have to content itself with being the fashion capital of Holland. There are prizes, there are judges. Daphne Deckers is the guest judge for the week. Aw, I was hoping it would be Ms. Hoitinks.

Elina is up first for critique. She is wearing what looks like a leather jacket, but what I'm sure is a faux-leather jacket, given that she's an animal liberation activist when she's not busy planning her move to Holland. Nigel thinks that Elina's photo is very interesting, and that it's one of the most high-fashion poses that she's done in a photograph so far. Daphne thinks that her face looks a little bit strong, in a scary way. "Like a pirate," Tyra adds. Paulina does not enjoy Elina's claw-like hands, which are pirate-like in a scurvy/rickets kind of way. Tyra says that the photo of Elina is gorgeous, but she was very stiff in her film. Also, she tuned out Mr. Jay and ignored his advice. If that's a crime, then convict me of Hoitinks in the first degree and lock me in the penitentiary. Sheena is up next in another questionable outfit. Miss J. says that as busted as it is, it works. Sheena says that it's Moschino, and Tyra tells her that name brands don't mean it's right. Paulina thinks that Sheena's face is beautiful in her photo, and that the clothes are beautiful, but that's it. Tyra agrees that her face is soft and lovely. Nigel notes that her right hand, which is holding a rope in the photo, has no passion or energy in it. Tyra almost went with one of the photos where Sheena was kicking up her leg, but the face was no good. Overall, it's a mediocre review.

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America's Next Top Model

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