America's Next Top Model

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What Are You, an Immigrant?

Toccara asks the girls to tell her about themselves and their personalities. Aminat says that she's loud, and it's okay to be loud, then tells Toccara that she'd better remember her. Toccara laughs and looks absolutely beautiful. I wish everyone else would shut up so we could just look at Toccara some more with a soundtrack of tweeting birds. Kortnie then says that she's an old male comedian stuck in a curvy chick's body. Sandra tells us that Kortnie is always joking around and doesn't take the competition as seriously as most of the other girls, then reminds us that this is not, in fact, America's Next Top Comedian. But if it were, you'd better believe Kathy Griffin and Margaret Cho lip-syncing for their lives would be the show of the century. In any case, none of the other girls are interesting enough to be given a personality spotlight, so we move on to them asking Toccara questions. Fo asks what she's done since Top Model. Toccara is all, bitch, I was in Italian Vogue. Toccara is also a correspondent for BET, and says that it's all because of her personality. Tahlia is inspired, and tells us that, as a model with scars, she wants to be an inspiration, too. First she should be inspired to find a personality other than "drippy noodle."

The girls sit around the table with Toccara, who notes that all of the photos in the house are of Tyra, except for the one of Sandra. The girls explain that it was the best of the week. Natalie pipes in and says that Fo's picture was the ACTUAL best of the week, and Sandra retorts that the judges have the last say. Teyona can feel that Sandra wants to say that she was, in fact, the best. Sandra does, indeed, think she's the best, and thanks Teyona for pulling it out of her. Aminat interviews that Sandra thinks everything's about her. She's gorgeous, but she has no substance. There's just the essence of stank, which may seem solid but is actually just made of very thick, noxious vapors.

The girls walk a little on the runway and gnaw on chicken wings, thanks to Toccara's inspiration, and then they give Toccara a tour of the house. Toccara takes a spin in the confessional for old time's sake and says that when she was on Top Model, the girls really did have so many different types of personalities. And how! That was the season that brought us, "First of all, I didn't even know you were a bitch," AND Amanda's crystal theft AND respeito AND "bitch poured beer in my weave," AND "clean your shit" written in low-carb brownies! It was truly an embarrassment of riches. And now, I don't even really feel compelled to call these girls "bitches." It makes me feel lonely down deep in my soul. Toccara can't pinpoint anyone who stands out and says that the girls need to let go, let loose, stand up and be who they are. Sadly for her, I think a lot of them are just legitimately boring. Toccara takes her leave the next morning and hopes that her words really stuck, since whoever wins this competition will be a spokesperson. And we can see how McKey is setting the world on fire with her Wildean wit. There is a group hug, and Celia tells us that Toccara's visit really did perk everyone up, and she for one learned that you can't be afraid to put yourself out there. Not to counter the wisdom of the wonderful Toccara, but BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID.

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America's Next Top Model




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