America’s Next Top Model

Ep.

Title

Air/Pub'l

Grade

Author

20-14
Recap

Boring is the New Black

Finale Part II: The Girl or Girl Who Becomes America’s Next Top Model - The season ends in the dullest of all possible ways, and we don't even get to see Renee gnash her teeth about it.

11.15.2013
11.21.2013
B-

admin

20-13
Recap

Booch Blew

Finale Part I: The Finalists Shoot Their Guess Campaign - Eliminated contestants return and Guess ads are shot! And we learn that the final three will be whittled down to a final two.

11.10.2013
11.13.2013
B

admin

20-12
Recap

Everybody Hates Chris

The Guy Who Becomes a Bat - The whole episode basically is a chronicle of why all of the other models think Chris is the worst. In between there are a few medical emergencies, and also bats.

11.03.2013
11.06.2013
B

admin

20-11
Recap

Bali Chooses Two

The Girl Who Gets Kissed on an Elephant - Elephant rides! Chris hate! Double elimination!

10.18.2013
10.21.2013
B+

admin

20-10
Recap

Bali Wanna Cracker?

The Guy Who Has a Panic Attack - The models head to Bali, where underwater runways, animal co-stars, and panic attacks await!

10.11.2013
10.17.2013
B+

admin

20-9
Recap

Flawsome Heart

The Girl Who Gets Punked - There's a fight about dirty dishes, and Alexandra's heart can't handle the heat.

10.04.2013
10.10.2013
B-

admin

20-Extra
Recap

I've Seen MacGyver a Lot

The Guys and Girls Get Flirty - We get the top ten flirty moments of the season and also lots of bonus footage of Phil, America's Next Top Genius.

09.27.2013
10.01.2013
B

admin

20-8
Recap

The Returns

The Girl Whose Walk Is TOO Good - Jourdan has her first real taste of failure in the competition, and one…or more…of the eliminated models gets to return.

09.20.2013
09.23.2013
B+

admin

20-7
Recap

Paint It Wack

The Guy Who Cries - Fatigued with annoying everyone else in the house, Marvin and Chris set their sights upon one another.

09.13.2013
09.18.2013
B

admin

20-6
Recap

Send in the Clowns

The Girl Who’s Scared of Clowns - While some contestants are distracted by romantic feelings, Kanani struggles with PTCD (post traumatic clown disorder).

09.06.2013
09.11.2013
B+

admin

20-5
Recap

Questionable

The Guy Who Gets to Kiss the Girl - A cross-dressing commercial shoot ends in smoochy-smoochies, and Jourdan's personality is compared to a toenail clipping.

09.01.2013
09.03.2013
A-

admin

20-4
Recap

Achilles Ankle

The Girl Who Went Around in Circles - Once upon a time, Nina wore really stupid shoes and now she lives in fear of a turntable runway. Also: trailer park photo shoot!

08.25.2013
08.27.2013
B

admin

20-3
Recap

Philsus Christ Superstar

The Guy Who Gets a Weave - The models have a fetish photo shoot, and then Phil gets made over to look like Jesus.

08.16.2013
08.20.2013
A

admin

20-2
Recap

Wack Wedding

The Girl Who Gets Married Again - Despite hopeful previews, no models actually plummet to their deaths. Mike is as upset about it as we are, and gets really wasted to the delight of confessional cameras everywhere.

08.09.2013
08.14.2013
B+

admin

20-1.1
Recap

On the Virgg

Meet the Guys and Girls of Cycle 20 – Part 2 - Tyra and the judges whittle down the finalists from 26 to 16, and the cock-puncher totally makes it through. Meanwhile, Virgg has a tough decision, made even tougher by the excess of hormones in her body.

08.02.2013
08.07.2013
B+

admin

20-1
Recap

X Why?

Meet the Guys and Girls of Cycle 20 – Part 1 - Are you ready for the first ever Guys and Girls Top Model, Tyra asks? NO. The answer is definitively no.

08.02.2013
08.06.2013
B+

admin

19-Extra
Recap

Clip It Good

The Girl with the Best Top Model Freakout - It's the Top Model clip show! With never before seen footage of Victoria refusing to have a threesome with her brother.

11.20.2012
11.21.2012
A-

admin

19-2
Recap

Ghost Brides: Asylum

The Girl Who Becomes America’s Next Top Model - "...Now their spirit bodies must take to the runway to reclaim their mortal smizes."

11.16.2012
11.19.2012
B+

admin

19-11
Recap

War Horse

The Girl Who Freaks Out on Horseback - Leila's half-founded fear of the animal kingdom continues, and Kiara has a very good week.

11.09.2012
11.14.2012
B+

admin

19-10
Recap

Flipping Out

The Girl Who Becomes Art for Tyra - The models have a water-based week, posing with dolphins in swimwear by designer Celdella Marley, and on a waterfall with photographer Tyra Banks. In other news, Kristin's stankness runneth over.

11.03.2012
11.07.2012
A-

admin

19-9
Recap

Dance Hall Days

The Girls Go to Jamaica - We finally learn which of the eliminated girls gets to return, then head to Jamaica, where dancehall routines and hot river raft guides await for both the toochers and the smizers!

10.26.2012
10.31.2012
B+

admin

19-8
Recap

Concrete and Barbed Wire

The Girl Who Comes Back - The models head out on go-sees, and then are sent to prison for smize-related offenses. Meanwhile, Victoria continues her streak of spicing up photo shoots with her fantastic yet puzzling character acting.

10.19.2012
10.22.2012
B+

admin

19-7
Recap

Y Kant Tori Eat

The Girl Who Licks the Floor - The models have a marathon day of grunge, and Victoria goes her seventh consecutive week without eating.

10.05.2012
10.08.2012
B+

admin

19-6
Recap

Things that Make You Go Pwn

The Girl Who Gets Pwn’d - It's all video game pwns and steampunk owls as the girls embark upon an episode bound to confuse a lot of people. Thank goodness we have Victoria's country cooking to help us recover.

09.29.2012
10.01.2012
B+

admin

19-5
Recap

Bring It On

The Girl Who Sings for Alicia Keys - The girls walk in a runway show for Alicia Keys and her charity, and a cheerleading shoot does not leave everyone with spirit fingers.

09.22.2012
09.26.2012
B+

admin

19-4
Recap

Destiny's Trial

The Girl Who Does What Tyler Perry Says - Tyler Perry shows up to facilitate outlandish idiocy in an acting challenge, and Kristin continues to get on everyone's damn nerves. Meanwhile, though it didn't seem possible, Destiny gets even sadder.

09.14.2012
09.19.2012
B-

admin

19-3
Recap

Make D'oh-ver

The Girl Who Wants Out - It's the OPTIONAL makeover episode! Which means that you have the option of taking your makeover with some ovaries, or getting a talking-to by Tyra and Kelly. Also, shut up, Maria.

09.07.2012
09.11.2012
B-

admin

19-2
Recap

As If Your Soul is Gone

The Girl Who Cries Home - The models have to pose like dead animals, and Victoria does not disappoint in the crazypants department.

09.02.2012
09.05.2012
C+

admin

19-1
Recap

College Knowledge

The Girl Who Makes The Grade - Tyra cares so much about education that she had thirteen girls drop out of college, grad school, and cosmetology school to compete on the most irrelevant cycle of this show yet!

08.24.2012
08.27.2012
B+

admin

18-12
Recap

All Hail the Queen

Season Finale - Sophie and Laura stomp to the death in a Forever 21 runway show involving holograms. It is a feat of stupidity only outmatched by the fact that Cover Girl now has a product called "flipstick."

05.30.2012
06.04.2012
B-

admin

18-Extra
Recap

Intercultural Intermission

Highlights - Before the epic and culturally significant battle of Sophie and Laura, we take a look back at the British invasion that was.

05.23.2012
05.29.2012
B

admin

18-11
Recap

Messes in a Bottle

Jez Smith - There are yet more go-sees, and two-thirds of the final three fall apart when forced to pose inside a giant perfume bottle.

05.16.2012
05.22.2012
B+

admin

18-10
Recap

Wuthering Heights

Nicholas Tse - With the spirit of yet another aspiring model crushed, Tyra Banks smizes into the mirror and congratulates herself on a job well done.

05.09.2012
05.14.2012
A-

admin

18-9
Recap

Smooth as Silkworms

Barney Cheng - The models head to Macau, where they are adorned with smizing silkworms, and the Brits' winning streak finally comes to an end.

05.02.2012
05.07.2012
B+

admin

18-8
Recap

Hello Pretty

Georgina Chapman - The models walk in front of some legit fashion people, and don Hello Kitty couture for their photo shoot.

04.25.2012
04.30.2012
B+

admin

18-7
Recap

It Gets Worse

Estelle - The show starts off on a high as the models work with young girls as part of Tyra's anti-bullying campaign, but quickly sinks as we continue to explore the art of the tooch.

04.18.2012
04.23.2012
B+

admin

18-6
Recap

Spice Up Your Tooch

Jessica Sutta and Nadine Coyle - It's music video time, which means you're going to hear the word "tooch" a lot.

04.11.2012
04.17.2012
B-

admin

18-5
Recap

Blame Canada

Beverly Johnson - The girls go to Canada, and don't even get dangled from the CN Tower for our viewing pleasure.

03.28.2012
04.03.2012
B

admin

18-4
Recap

Consumer Retorts

J. Alexander - Everyone gangs up on Kyle with relatively little provocation, and she goes on and on about wanting to leave the competition. Meanwhile, if your boyfriend is into sniffing your butt, ANTM has just the product for you.

03.21.2012
03.27.2012
B-

admin

18-3
Recap

Skip to My Lou

Cat Deeley - Like so many flies in the buttermilk, Louise shoos herself right out of the competition. Meanwhile, Tyra takes pains to remind us that Modelland exists, and that she now has a degree from Harvard.

03.14.2012
03.20.2012
B+

admin

18-2
Recap

Enter the Haggis

Kris Jenner - And by haggis we mean Kris Jenner. Also, the show continues its tradition of empowering young women by making them eat disgusting food and dressing them as toddlers.

03.07.2012
03.12.2012
B-

admin

18-1
Recap

Downton Shabby

Kelly Osbourne - Tyra pits Brits versus Americans for the Cycle's 18th season. It's like the Revolutionary War, but bonier.

02.29.2012
03.05.2012
B

admin

17-12
Recap

Greek Tragedy

All-Star Finale - Free Angelea! Free Angelea!

12.07.2011
12.12.2011
B+

admin

17-11
Recap

Booch Your Tookie

Tyson Beckford - The girls film a really long and tedious commercial for Tyra's book, and hearts everywhere are broken at a very difficult panel.

11.30.2011
12.06.2011
B+

admin

17-Extra
Recap

Leftover Ladies

Season 17, Highlights - It's the highlights episode! We recap the season, and learn that Top Model is truly the brain of all history.

11.23.2011
11.28.2011
B+

admin

17-10
Recap

Hating Ass Bitches

Exploring Greece - Angelea speaks the truth about how bitches are bitches, all the while trying to remember the words "shot put."

11.16.2011
11.21.2011
B+

admin

17-9
Recap

Work Your Salad

Nikos Papadopoulos - The models go to Greece and pose in a giant bowl of Greek salad. Yes, we just said "in a giant bowl of Greek salad."

11.09.2011
11.14.2011
A+

admin

17-8
Recap

I Be Like Ugh

Game - The ladies each write, record, and star in a video for an original song, and Tyra does everything in her power to make sure that the outcomes are horrific.

11.02.2011
11.07.2011
A

admin

17-7
Recap

Lipstick on a Pigford

Kathy Griffin - Proving that the bottom of the barrel is always deeper than you had anticipated, the girls portray Snooki and NeNe Leakes in this week's photo shoot. There are also signature fragrances, Pigford, Kathy Griffin and a double elimination!

10.26.2011
10.31.2011
A-

admin

17-6
Recap

Fight Flub

Coco Rocha - The girls get out their aggression on the flag football field in a tackling/posing challenge, and in a girlfight-themed photo shoot with super-legit model Coco Rocha.

10.19.2011
10.24.2011
B+

admin

17-5
Recap

Mind Your Business, All the Time

LaToya Jackson - Bianca is mad as hell, and she's not going to take it anymore! Especially from crying Christians. Meanwhile, there are Kardashians and LATOYA!!!!

10.12.2011
10.18.2011
B+

admin

17-4
Recap

Express Yourself

Anthony Zuiker - The girls audition for a small part on CSI, then try to make the most of hideous clothes from Express. Kayla goes to the ER, and we are introduced to Lisa's identical cousin, the Excuse Monster.

10.06.2011
10.10.2011
A-

admin

17-3
Recap

Tooched by an Angel

Kristin Cavallari - Allison has an exceptionally great week talking to Mario Lopez and posing on stilts, and we learn that Angelea once worked at a bank.

09.28.2011
10.04.2011
A-

admin

17-2
Recap

By the Short Hairs

Ashlee Simpson - It's the makeover -- er, excuse us, TY-over -- episode! Bre freaks out about her hair, and Lisa proves that she's a very successful masticator.

09.21.2011
09.26.2011
A-

admin

17-1
Recap

They're Baaaaaack

Nicki Minaj - Have you been wondering what Lisa D'Amato's been doing all these years? No? Well, too bad, because Tyra Banks is going to force you to find out.

09.14.2011
09.19.2011
A-

admin

16-13
Recap

The Winner Takes It All!

Season Finale - And the loser is standing small, with a really unfortunate new haircut.

05.18.2011
05.24.2011
A-

admin

16-12
Recap

And Then There Were Two

Ivan Bart - There are tears on and off set as the girls compete for a spot in the finale.

05.11.2011
05.17.2011
B+

admin

16-11
Recap

The Brains of the Operation

Daniella Issa Helayel - The girls meet with Franca Sozzani, balance tea trays on their head, and try a sample-sized portion of goat brains.

05.04.2011
05.09.2011
B+

admin

16-10
Recap

Camel Toe

Franca Sozzani - The girls head to Morocco and play around with camels in the desert. Sadly, a monkey does not bite Alexandria.

04.27.2011
05.03.2011
B+

admin

16-9
Recap

Clip Me Deadly

Highlights and Catfights - Tyra and co recap the first eight episodes of the season while throwing in plenty of new footage, in which we learn that Jaclyn's unsullied lady bits make Hannah's magic pendulum go wild.

04.25.2011
04.26.2011
B+

admin

16-8
Recap

Splendor in the Trash

Lana Marks - The girls head out on go-sees, and then are forced to find fashion among the ruins in a landmark landfill shoot.

04.13.2011
04.19.2011
B+

admin

16-7
Recap

Woman Warriors

Eric Daman - The girls pose for a Warriors in Pink photo and then get a little crazy in the shadow of the Bates Motel. Meanwhile, Brittani gets trailer park on Alexandria's ass at exactly the wrong time.

04.06.2011
04.12.2011
B+

admin

16-6
Recap

Sticks in the Mud

Sonia Dara - The girls learn a lesson about interacting with adoring and creepy fans, and are covered in mud for a group photo shoot that pits brunettes against blondes.

03.30.2011
04.05.2011
B+

admin

16-5
Recap

Hellcats

Rachel Zoe - The girls go animalistic in faux fur by Rachel Zoe while posing with a jaguar cub. In other news, Alexandria continues to annoy the snot out of just about everyone.

03.23.2011
03.29.2011
B+

admin

16-4
Recap

Stop, Smize and Roll

Francesco Carrozzini S16 - The girls have to deal with fiery runways, cheesy commercial dialogue and Alexandria.

03.16.2011
03.22.2011
B+

admin

16-3
Recap

Hair Apparent

Lori Goldstein - It's makeover day! There's comparatively little excitement, though Brittani gets a killer Louise Brooks bob and Molly gets the weave from hell. The girls work in pairs for a couture photo shoot with stylist Lori Goldstein, and things don't go so well for Sara and Dominique.

03.09.2011
03.10.2011
B+

admin

16-2
Recap

Bee-utiful

Alek Wek - The girls have to draw their inner critics and then yell at them a bunch, and co-star in a photo shoot with real live bees. All this and an argument about raw chicken!

03.02.2011
03.08.2011
B+

admin

16-1
Recap

Life's a Ball

Erin Wasson - After a truncated casting week, the final fourteen girls are subjected to walking the runway in a hamster ball. At judging, we are subjected to Nigel comparing a model's mouth to a cat's bottom. And, per usual, the pretty, bland one is the first to go home.

02.23.2011
02.24.2011
A-

admin

15-13
Recap

Magic Ann

Roberto Cavalli - In the end, you really kind of have to go with the model that Versace would book.

12.01.2010
12.07.2010
A

admin

15-12
Recap

Recap Recap

High Fashion Highlights - On the eve of the Cycle 15 finale, we take a look back at the season so far, this time with 100% more Myrtle.

11.24.2010
11.30.2010
A

admin

15-11
Recap

Model Madness!

Franca Sozzani - The girls meet with Vogue Italia editor-in-chief Franca Sozzani before learning that two of them will be eliminated. Tyra makes her directorial debut as she shouts the girls through a motion editorial, and we learn that Chelsey and Ann will face off in the finals.

11.17.2010
11.22.2010
A

admin

15-10
Recap

Go-and-Sees

Kyle Hagler - The girls take on go-and-sees in Milan, and have a hard time finding anything. Kayla tears it up in a statue-themed photo shoot, while Chris' time has finally come.

11.10.2010
11.15.2010
A-

admin

15-9
Recap

Missoni Accomplished

Margherita Missoni - The girls head to Italy, and the Top Model team does everything it can to ensure that someone passes out from heatstroke.

11.03.2010
11.08.2010
A-

admin

15-8
Recap

Roll with the Punches

Zac Posen - The girls walk in a Zac Posen show with some professionally mean models. Ann's meltdown starts here, but doesn't really take full effect until a commercial shoot for the fictional H2T water that involves roller skates.

10.27.2010
11.02.2010
A-

admin

15-7
Recap

Designer Imposters

Francesco Carrozzini - The girls dress up as iconic fashion designers, and dress each other in a challenge to become a Grammy girl.

10.20.2010
10.26.2010
B+

admin

15-6
Recap

Rodeo Girls

Patrick Demarchelier - The girls run the gamut of fashion, from Walmart to Rodeo Drive.

10.13.2010
10.19.2010
A-

admin

15-5
Recap

Who Was That Masked Man?

Karolina Kurkova - The girls have a runway show in a tunnel with conveyor belts, then enter into the glamorous world of Mexican masked wrestling! Everyone continues to hate Kacey, though she gets the last laugh as Lexie is booted. Also, Karolina Kurkova explains the concept of smoothies.

10.06.2010
10.12.2010
B+

admin

15-4
Recap

Roller Girls

Matthew Rolston - The girls pose on a roller coaster and then snuggle up with slimy sea creatures for a photo shoot with Matthew Rolston.

09.29.2010
10.05.2010
A-

admin

15-3
Recap

Calling All Angels

Patricia Field - The girls get makeovers, Terra is felled by her own complaints and a surprise mid-episode elimination, and an angel-themed photo shoot brings out hellish suckitude on the part of the majority of the girls. Patricia Field guest stars!

09.22.2010
09.28.2010
B+

admin

15-2
Recap

Anamarexia

Diane von Furstenberg - The girls settle in to Venice Beach, then head off to a mid-air runway show and a photo shoot that addresses the issue of bullying. In other news, Anamaria appears to have an eating disorder, Kayla is a lesbian, and someone had the ingenuity to call Terra a soup cooler.

09.15.2010
09.21.2010
B

admin

15-1
Recap

The 15th Time's the Charm

Welcome to High Fashion - We whittle our way down to fourteen finalists, one of whom will win an Italian Vogue shoot.

09.08.2010
09.13.2010
A

admin

14-12
Recap

Your Clip Is on My List

Chubby Bunny - Clip episode! Featuring never-before-seen stank and the girl who thought Hawaii was a continent.

05.19.2010
05.25.2010
A-

admin

14-11
Recap

Krista Almighty

America’s Next Top Model Is… - Krista and Raina film a Cover Girl commercial and stomp to the death in an Anna Sui fashion show! Krista continues her winning streak, and proves that the twelfth time is indeed the charm.

05.12.2010
05.18.2010
A-

admin

14-10
Recap

Ugly Americans

Ugly-Pretty Woman - The girls have a runway challenge at 35,000 feet and a pretty-ugly photo shoot before two of them are eliminated en route to the finale.

05.12.2010
05.18.2010
A-

admin

14-9
Recap

Kicking the Hobbit

Hobbits Vs. Models - The girls head to Hobbiton and pose in wee doorways, then Tyra shoots them through a tablecloth.

05.05.2010
05.11.2010
A-

admin

14-8
Recap

Hide and Go Sheep

Welcome to New Zealand - The girls head to New Zealand, where they must endure go-sees after their 22-hour flight from the States. A photo shoot with sheep energizes Alex and Krista, but Alasia and Jessica are sent to pasture for their wooly performances.

04.28.2010
05.04.2010
A-

admin

14-7
Recap

Hair Apparent

Big Hair Day - There's less drama this week, but plenty of Pat Cleveland, Whitney Port, drag queens, and dresses made of hair and glue.

04.21.2010
04.26.2010
B+

admin

14-6
Recap

A House Divided

New York Women - The girls are at each others' throats for nearly the whole episode, which I guess is what happens when you live in Dreckhalla, and the CW shills for Cover Girl and Tinsley Mortimer.

04.14.2010
04.20.2010
A-

admin

14-5
Recap

Smile and Pose

Smile and Pose - While Anslee inches ever closer to a nervous breakdown, Tatianna proves that a love of bodily functions doesn't necessarily make a person a good model. Also, Angelea does her Hammer Dance and flashes New York her cooch.

04.07.2010
04.13.2010
B+

admin

14-4
Recap

Suckitude

America’s Next Top Vampire - The girls learn the value of improvisation, then wind up blind and bloodied for a vampire-themed photo shoot.

03.31.2010
04.06.2010
A-

admin

14-3
Recap

Let’s Dance

Let’s Dance - This week we have fashion trivia, Toccara, a shoot inspired by dance, and Ren's mommy issues.

03.24.2010
03.30.2010
A-

admin

14-2
Recap

Timing Is Everything

Dreckitude! - Someone gets knocked off the runway by a giant swinging pendulum. What else do you need to know?

03.17.2010
03.23.2010
A+

admin

14-1
Recap

Sexy Blanket

Be My Friend, Tyra! - The highlight of the premiere episode comes from a commercial featuring Cycle 13's Laura. Yep, it's going to be that kind of a season.

03.10.2010
03.16.2010
A-

admin

13-12
Recap

Clips and Dips

Cycle 13: Revealed - The Top Model house was filthier than we thought, and Brittany is possessed by demons!

11.23.2009
11.24.2009
A-

admin

13-11
Recap

The Year of the Bloody Eyeball

America’s Next Top Model Is… - Nicole and Laura stomp and smize it to the death! There can be only one winner, and it is she whose bloody eyeball can sell lots of mascara.

11.18.2009
11.24.2009
B+

admin

13-10
Recap

Double Trouble

Hawaiian Hip Hop - The girls are forced to dance, then channel some wrathful goddess mojo for their photo shoot. There's a double elimination, and half of it is actually kind of a surprise.

11.11.2009
11.17.2009
B+

admin

13-9
Recap

Dive Bomb

Dive Deeper - The girls continue their Hawaiian adventure by jumping off a cliff and deep diving for their photo shoot. Sadly, all five survive.

11.04.2009
11.10.2009
B

admin

13-8
Recap

Blue Hawaii

Let’s Go Surfing - The girls go surfing in Hawaii, but some of the girls wipeout when they have to go don blackface.

10.28.2009
11.04.2009
C-

admin

13-7
Recap

Girls on Film

Interview 101 - It's time for the girls to talk in a professional context, which can only lead to doom. Jennifer shines in a Cover Girl commercial, while Erin has a total meltdown and still isn't sent home. Also, Laura is dyslexic!

10.21.2009
10.27.2009
B+

admin

13-6
Recap

Crouching Tyra, Hidden Drag Queen

Petite Ninja Warriors - The girls make their way around Los Angeles for go-sees, and take to the air for a ninja warrior inspired photo shoot. And the prize on both goes to the girl with the social graces of a fetus.

10.14.2009
10.20.2009
B+

admin

13-5
Recap

Cirque du So Lame

Dance With Me - This week is all about group work, as the models express their emotions through dance and pose with mysterious Cirque du Soleil creatures. The big winner for the week? The giant tie-dye snail, of course.

10.07.2009
10.13.2009
B

admin

13-4
Recap

Model Through the Mishap!

Take My Photo, Tyra! - And by "mishap," we mean this season. Sam Fine gives makeup tips, Tyra takes photos, boredom ensues.

09.30.2009
10.06.2009
B-

admin

9-4
Recap

Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

The Girl Who Goes Bald - Tyra made them over, every one! As Jenah gets the horrifying weave of the season, Saleisha learns that if you're Ken Paves, you can stick a bowl on someone's head, trim, and charge $500. Meanwhile, Victoria continues to prickle the Twiggles, and she is sent home.

10.09.2007
10.16.2007
B

admin

9-3
Recap

Rock-a-Bye Bitches

The Girls Go Rock Climbing - The girls walk in straitjackets as a prelude to a high-fashion couture show that seems at least somewhat legit, for once in the history of this show. Saleisha is the latest victim of Bianca's wrath, which includes a campaign to slander her thighs. A rock-climbing shoot brings out the fierceness in Jenah and Heather. And finally, poor, normal Kimberly is sent back to the shit pile.

10.02.2007
10.09.2007
B

admin

9-2
Recap

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

The Models Go Green - But not for long, as we enter the first non-smoking season, complete with its inaugural tracheotomy hole- and stillborn baby-featuring anti-smoking photo shoot! In other news, Bianca takes the lead as the season's biggest bitch as she and Lisa get into it; Heather is ostracized by some of the house's mean girls; and Mila bubbles back to Boston.

09.25.2007
10.01.2007
A+

admin

9-1
Recap

The Fug Boat

The Girls Go Cruisin’ - Bitches...exciting and new! Thirteen make it to the house, and twenty lose!

09.18.2007
09.25.2007
B

admin

8-11
Recap

The Girl Who...Wait, Seriously?

The Girl Who Becomes America’s Next Top Model (Season 8) - In a surprise move -- well, at least to us -- Renee gets the early boot along with parting gifts including a lifetime supply of wrinkle cream and a giant complex about looking old. This leaves Natasha and Jaslene as the final two. And because Tyra wants to blow our minds, Jaslene wins.

05.15.2007
05.19.2007
A+

admin

8-10
Recap

The Girl Whom Everyone Suddenly Hates

The Girl Who Does Not Want To Dance - Renee's redemption arc really must be working, because even the other girls forgot how much they hate her and have now refocused their energy on Natasha. They scheme behind her back to oust her and they try to sabotage her at panel, but none of it works. To which we say, "Ha." And, "Go, Natasha." In sad news, Dionne goes home.

05.08.2007
05.12.2007
B+

admin

8-9
Recap

The Girl Who Freaked the Hell Out

The Girl Who Blames The Taxi Driver - Go-sees! Brittany proves herself to be in dire need of a chill pill as she freaks out after missing a challenge deadline, and her strong performance on a dual sexy/soft photo shoot isn't enough to save her. Also, we learn about the art of tooching one's booty. Slinky slinky!

05.01.2007
05.07.2007
B+

admin

8-8
Recap

The Girl Who Can Hear, But Not Remember, The Thunder

The Girls Who Go Down Under - The girls head to the beautiful land Down Under to live out their final Top Model days in Sydney. Natasha continues her trajectory of rocking in the free world, while Brittany proves that having staples in your head can be psychologically damaging. In the end, Jael goes home, much to Twiggy's endless delight.

04.17.2007
04.21.2007
B

admin

8-7
Recap

The Girl Who's Not No Fucking Lesbo

The Girl Who Impresses Pedro - Dionne almost loses us as she eschews lesbian love, but gets us back again when she admits she kinda likes it. Meanwhile, there are: acting, family visits, past contestants returning for a photo shoot, and Whitney being sent back to finish her college education like a good girl.

04.10.2007
04.15.2007
B+

admin

8-6
Recap

The Girl Wholahay

The Girl Who Gets Thrown In The Pool - We have Wholahay, 50 Cent throwing Jael into a pool, evil genius Benny Medina, multiple personalities, Tyra facilitating a Renee smackdown by the whole group, and Sarah getting sent home. Can you think of a better episode in recent memory?

04.03.2007
04.08.2007
A+

admin

8-5
Recap

The Girl Who Neglected To Be Jolly

The Girl Who Takes Credit - Natasha has some phone sex with her husband, the girls shill for Sears, Sarah neglects to share the credit for an undeserved challenge win, it's a gender-bending photo shoot, and Diana is sent home. Just 'cause.

03.27.2007
04.02.2007
B

admin

8-4
Recap

The Girl Who Causes As Much Sorrow Dead

The Girl Who Changes Her Attitude - Necrophilia abounds as the girls pose as bloody, gashed-up crime-scene victims. Most of them excel, but Felicia learns that staring dead-eyed at nothing is, in fact, not the same thing as modeling, and is sent packing.

03.20.2007
03.26.2007
B+

admin

8-3
Recap

The Girl Who Was Filler

The Girl Who Cries All The Time - It's makeover time! Cassandra gets a giant Scary Spice 'do, and then gets sent home because being nice is not the same thing as being photogenic. Meanwhile, the girls pose semi-nude (unless you consider chocolate sauce to be clothes), Jael gets some tragic news, and Brittany's constant whining and pouting get a little annoying.

03.13.2007
03.20.2007
B

admin

8-2
Recap

The Girl Who Is Way Too Nice

The Girls Who Go To Prom - Poor, innocent Samantha can't withstand the diva stylings of Jaslene, naked craziness of Jael, and straight-up bitchery of Renee, and is sent home for essentially being too sweet. In other news, the girls get their seasonal dose of runway training, and head back to school, but not for the reasons that one might hope.

03.06.2007
03.13.2007
B+

admin

8-1
Recap

The Girl Who Is Just Kind Of Dumb

The Girl Who Won’t Stop Talking - Kathleen, we hardly knew ye! The Cycle's most entertaining girl gets the boot first, because she is not smart enough to be a model. Yeah. Try to get your head around that one.

02.27.2007
03.06.2007
B+

admin

7-13
Extra

Union Jacked Up

Next Top Model: British Invasion, Part II - For the second season of Britain's Next Top Model, they actually let the girl with the British teeth win.

12.19.2006
01.02.2007
B-

admin

7-12
Extra

Girl Power!

Next Top Model: British Invasion, Part I - Sporty, Baby, Ginger, Posh, and Scary duke it out for the title of Britain's Next Top Model! Or maybe that was just a dream we had.

12.12.2006
12.25.2006
B+

admin

7-11
Recap

Battle Of The Blands

The Girl Who Becomes America’s Next Top Model (Season 7) - And with the coronation of the first blonde winner, Season 7 comes to a close. We're sleepy.

12.05.2006
12.11.2006
C+

admin

7-10
Recap

Water, Water Everywhere

The Girl Who Grates - And bitches, they will sink. In other news, the twins are 0 for 2.

11.28.2006
12.04.2006
B-

admin

7-9
Recap

A Schlock And Bull Story

The Girl Who Sticks Her Foot In Her Mouth - The first of the twins falls as Caridee tells Nigel to remove the giant pole from his ass, and Melrose narrowly escapes the wrath of the bull we paid off to take her out.

11.21.2006
11.26.2006
B

admin

7-8
Recap

Breaking Down Is Hard to Do

The Girl Who Breaks Down - Jaeda sweats right through her deodorant when confronted with a Spanish male model who is kind of a racist, and gets sent home.

11.14.2006
11.20.2006
B-

admin

7-7
Recap

Get Outta My Dreams...

The Girl Who Wrecks The Car - Get into my NASCAR! Except for you, Anchal. You just sit on the sidelines and eat this corn dog, okay?

11.07.2006
11.13.2006
B-

admin

7-6
Recap

Same As It Ever Was

The Girls Who Made It This Far - Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Except for the time that Monique smashed up all the chips in the house with her feet.

10.31.2006
11.06.2006
B-

admin

7-6
Recap

Stay In School, Bitches

The Girl Who Graduates - You know what's really sexy? Getting an education. And for one girl, this lesson comes too little, too late.

10.24.2006
10.30.2006
B

admin

7-5
Recap

A.J. From The Block

The Girl Who Punk’d Ashton - A.J. kind of wants to go home, and so she does. Michelle kind of wants to come out of the closet, and so she does. And Jaeda wants to stop sucking so badly. Eh, two out of three ain't bad.

10.17.2006
10.23.2006
B+

admin

7-4
Recap

Super(model) Freak

The Girl Who Joined The Circus - As should come to no surprise to long-time viewers of this show, the girls finally find their niche posing as unattractive and malformed circus freaks

10.10.2006
10.16.2006
B

admin

7-3
Recap

The Yellow Hos Of Texas

The Girl Who Goes To Texas - Whoever said, "There's Dennis Quaid and then there's America's Next Top Model and ne'er the twain shall meet" feels awfully silly right now.

10.03.2006
10.09.2006
B+

admin

7-2
Recap

I Just Called To Say "I Hate You"

The Girl Who Hates Her Hair - About a third of the remaining girls prove themselves to be ungrateful wenches at makeover time, and Monique gives a bad name to children of God everywhere.

09.26.2006
10.02.2006
B+

admin

7-1
Recap

Sister Christian, Oh, The Time Has Come

The Girl Who Marks Her Territory - There are lots of bitches, and then fewer bitches, and then finally thirteen bitches. Some are cute, some look like men, some have the personality of a warthog. You know, another season, same old shit.

09.19.2006
09.25.2006
B

admin

6-12
Extra

America's Next Top Picket Line

The Djb Interview - The America's Next Top Model writers are on strike. Here's why.

07.23.2006
07.24.2006
A+

admin

6-11
Recap

"I'm A Cover Girl, Mommy!"

The Girl Who Walked Through The Ancient City - Jade doesn't win. Isn't that all you really need to know?

05.16.2006
05.22.2006
A

admin

6-10
Recap

Go-sees? Ah, Phuket.

The Girls Go To Phuket - There are go-sees, there is swimwear, and, as we head into the final three, there is still Jade. Yeah, we can't believe it either.

05.09.2006
05.15.2006
B+

admin

6-9
Recap

To Wong Furonda

The Girl Who Is Rushed To The Emergency Room - Thanks for everything, and we'll really miss your Fluffy Tiara of Truth.

05.02.2006
05.08.2006
B+

admin

6-8
Recap

No, No, Nnenna

The Girl Who Is A Model, Not A Masseuse - Nnenna is eliminated, which means we won't have to see or hear any more of her loser boyfriend. Yay!

04.25.2006
05.01.2006
A

admin

6-7
Recap

Down At Snaggle Rock

The Girl Who Has Surgery - The snaggletooth is gone! The snaggletooth is gone! Hi, ho the derry-o, the snaggletooth is gone!

04.18.2006
04.24.2006
A

admin

6-6
Recap

Double Trouble

The Girl Who Has A Temper - This week features not one, but two stupid bitches! And neither of them is Jade!

04.11.2006
04.17.2006
B

admin

6-5
Recap

Mollie Who?

The Girl With Two Bad Takes - The girl who reminds you of all the other girls without a personality is sent home.

04.04.2006
04.10.2006
B+

admin

6-4
Recap

Featuring Janice Dickinson As Herself

The Girl Who Kissed A Male Model - She's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. And boy is she cranky.

03.28.2006
04.03.2006
A

admin

6-3
Recap

Pretty Things

The Girl Who Kissed The Roach - So what if we like pretty things? ANTM sure doesn't, and therefore Kari is cut instead of Gina.

03.21.2006
03.27.2006
B

admin

6-2
Recap

Somebody Does, In Fact, Put Wendy in the Corner

The Girl Who Is A True Miss Diva - Wendy finds her parents and becomes a little less tragic, except in relation to beauty. So, she's out. Meanwhile, Furonda wears a fluffy tiara, and Jade bitches and moans.

03.14.2006
03.20.2006
B+

admin

6-1
Recap

Bald Fuggle

The Girls Go Bald - Note to Top Model staff: are you guys kidding?

03.07.2006
03.13.2006
B+

admin

5-14
Recap

Bring On Some Fresh Meat, Already

Where The Girls Are - Yet more rehashing of the minimally existent careers of all the models you loved to hate and hated to love. And also, the ones you just plain hated.

02.28.2006
03.06.2006
C

admin

5-13
Extra

Mama And Children Reunion

Cycle 5 Reunion - Hey, wait a minute. This looks suspiciously like another boring episode of The Tyra Banks Show! We've been had, bitches.

12.13.2005
12.19.2005
C-

admin

5-12
Recap

Sister Sledgehammer

The Girl Who Is On The Cover - In a victory for underappreciated siblings everywhere, Nicole finally does something right.

12.06.2005
12.12.2005
B+

admin

5-11
Recap

I'm Sari...So Sari

The Girl Who Takes A Pill - It's go-sees, Bollywood fashion, and Benadryl as our heroines tackle their third week in London. Also, Jayla finally goes home.

11.29.2005
12.05.2005
B-

admin

5-10
Recap

Red Bullshit

The Girl Who Retaliates - In which there's a whole lotta nonsense about Red Bull and granola.

11.22.2005
11.29.2005
B

admin

5-9
Recap

An Episode Without A Heroine

The Girl Who Talks Behind Everyone’s Back - In which everyone gangs up on poor little Kimmy, the girls travel to London, and Jayla is still not sent home.

11.15.2005
11.21.2005
B-

admin

5-8
Recap

Lisa Needs Her Diaper Changed

The Girl Whose Boyfriend Is Cheating On Her - Thought you liked Lisa? Yeah, things change. Also: it's bogus non-elimination night!

11.08.2005
11.13.2005
B+

admin

5-7
Recap

Déjà Vu's a Bitch

The Girl Who Wants To Step On The Pretty Flower - It is time for the annual clip show, in which we see stuff we've already seen, along with some stuff we haven't. And for once, it's actually not deathly boring.

11.01.2005
11.06.2005
B+

admin

5-7
Recap

Kyle-ing Me Softly

The Girls Are 1940s Pin-Ups - ANTM chalks up another loss for the pretty and tall girls with potential as Kyle is sent back to a life of fixing the malfunctioning Blizzard machine.

10.25.2005
10.30.2005
C+

admin

5-6
Recap

Coryn's Got A Secret

The Girl Who Loves Bubbles And Talks To Plants - And it's that she's afraid of heights. No, really. Also, Lisa loves alcohol and Jayla is a lapsed Jehovah's Witness.

10.18.2005
10.24.2005
B+

admin

5-5
Recap

Flaw Week!

The Girl Who Gets A Boob Job - The girls have to discuss their flaws and how to fix them. Unfortunately, Miss J. is left out of the discussion.

10.11.2005
10.17.2005
B-

admin

5-4
Recap

Bye, Curious

The Girl Who Makes A Disclaimer - Kim and Sarah are wrenched apart by cruel fate, while Cassandra is wrenched apart from good sense by her own stupidity.

10.04.2005
10.06.2005
B+

admin

5-3
Recap

Do Mess With Texas

The Girl Who Needs A Miracle - It's déjà-vu all over again as Cassandra cries and cries about her pixie-like haircut, and we laugh and laugh.

09.27.2005
10.03.2005
B

admin

5-2
Recap

Kim Gets A Toaster

The Girls Become Super Heroes - Girl-on-girl action in the second half of a two-part premiere? You're not going to see that on The Apprentice: Martha Stewart.

09.20.2005
09.27.2005
B

admin

5-1
Recap

Twisted Sister

The Girl With The Twisted Catch Phrase - Thirty-six young hopefuls are pared down to twenty hopefuls are pared down to thirteen hopefuls in a premiere episode sponsored by Chapstick and Ramen Noodles.

09.20.2005
09.26.2005
B

admin

4-12
Recap

Naima Make You Scream-a

The Girl Who Walks On Water - And with that, Janice Dickinson is 0 for 4.

05.17.2005
05.23.2005
B

admin

4-11
Recap

Ebony And Ivory

The Girl Who Is Special - They live together in perfect harmony side by side on my piano keyboard, oh Lord, why can't Brittany and Keenyah?

05.10.2005
05.16.2005
B-

admin

4-10
Recap

The Kloof Will Set You Free

The Girl Who Flops In The Mud - Go-sees, Kloofing, and one elimination later, and all we really want to know is why Kahlen and Christina were spooning.

05.03.2005
05.09.2005
B

admin

4-9
Recap

XX Why?

The Girls The Lionesses Are Hunting - The girls head to South Africa, and Michelle finally gets sent home. And we actually (ding!) feel a little bad about it.

04.26.2005
05.02.2005
B

admin

4-8
Recap

Death Becomes Her

The Girl Who Gets Bad News - On the eve of a photo shoot that takes place in a coffin at the bottom of an open grave, Kahlen gets the news that a friend has died. If you want to see raw emotion in a ratty weave, this is the show for you, my friend.

04.19.2005
04.25.2005
B-

admin

4-7
Recap

Au Revoir, Bitches!

The Girl Who Pushes Tyra Over The Edge - We might be able to put together a decent synopsis, if only we could hear ourselves think over the sounds of Tyra screaming.

04.12.2005
04.18.2005
A

admin

4-6
Recap

Drunken Angel

The Girl With The Deliciously Tacky Dance - If we've learned one thing this season, it's that you should never, ever sign a contract written up by Tyra's creepy father. In other news, Brittany is a boozehound, and Lluvy is finally put out of her misery.

04.05.2005
04.10.2005
B

admin

4-5
Recap

The Flesh Eaters Are Coming! The Flesh Eaters Are Coming!

The Girl Who Is Contagious - Well, Michelle is already crazy, manly, and an outcast from the group. Why not just kill her off with flesh-eating bacteria, already?

03.29.2005
04.04.2005
B+

admin

4-4
Extra

Die, Motherfucker

Janice Dickinson: Supermodel Out of Control - Until you have uttered these words to your abusive, pedophile father after he's had some sort of attack and you've thrown his heart medicine out the window, we don't want to hear you say one bad thing about Miss Janice Dickinson.

03.26.2005
03.29.2005
A+

admin

4-4
Recap

Brandy, You're a Fine Girl

The Girl With The Worst Photo In History - But your attitude stinks. So long, and we hope that you actually get to hit Tatiana one of these days.

03.22.2005
03.26.2005
B+

admin

4-3
Recap

Viva Las Vagus

The Girl Who Suddenly Collapsed - Rebecca passes out, which seems like it's going to be a big deal, but then it turns out not to be such a big deal after all. Ditto with Michelle, who admits she's a big ol' queer. Ditto with Sarah, who is eliminated. Okay, so no one actually thought that last one was going to be a big deal in the first place, but it seemed rude not to mention it at all.

03.15.2005
03.17.2005
B

admin

4-2
Recap

Send In The Clowns

The Girls Who Hate Their Makeovers - Don't bother, they're here.

03.08.2005
03.15.2005
B-

admin

4-1
Recap

Normal Is Boring

The Girl Who Is A Lady Kat. Reow! - Have a baby, an incurable disease, a checkered past, or unusually high levels of testosterone? Then you, too, can be America's Next Top Model!

03.01.2005
03.07.2005
B

admin

3-13
Recap

What The Divas Are Doing Now

What The Divas Are Doing Now - We'll tell you in one sentence what the so-called divas of Season 3 are doing now: scratching their asses and scraping the last remnants out of their one complimentary tube of Cover Girl Wetslicks. That doesn't make for a very interesting special, though, so we have been given this pack of lies instead.

02.28.2005
03.04.2005
C

admin

3-12
Recap

Viva La Diva!

The Girl Who Wins It All - In your tall bitches' face! In your tall bitches' face!

12.14.2004
12.20.2004
A

admin

3-11
Recap

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

The Girl Who Didn’t Hug Goodbye - Or so Eva and Ann have learned. Luckily for us viewers, what is considerably less hard is watching Ann finally get sent packing.

12.07.2004
12.13.2004
B-

admin

3-10
Recap

Tea And No Sympathy

The Girl The Lionesses Are Hunting - Noooooo! The higher powers at ANTM succeed in their bid to remove the last genuinely likable person on the show. And there's lots and lots about tea.

11.30.2004
12.05.2004
B-

admin

3-9
Recap

You Go Back, Jack, Do It Again

The Girl Who Goes Ballistic - There's something vaguely familiar about this episode... Oh yes! Everything.

11.23.2004
11.30.2004
C-

admin

3-9
Recap

Turning Japanese

The Girls Meet Taye Diggs - There are no pictures! There are no pictures! There's umeboshi and Campbell's commercials. We want a doctor to look at Tyra and explain why she got rid of Nicole.

11.16.2004
11.21.2004
B+

admin

3-8
Recap

Along Came A Spider

The Girl Who Is Panic Stricken - The itsy, bitsy spider crawled on the model's face. Yaya was an ass with a lack of class and grace. Eva freaked out, but in the end she made it through. So say goodbye, Toccara, BBBW.

11.09.2004
11.14.2004
B

admin

3-7
Recap

Don't You Mean, "The Girl Whose Thighs Were Twenty-Nine Inches Around"?

The Girl Who Forgot Her Shoes - Hey everybody, what's worse than being bulimic? That's right: being fat!

11.02.2004
11.08.2004
B

admin

3-6
Recap

Smells Like Cupcakes

The Girl Who Mutilated The Precious Brownies - Oh, Kelle. You tried and tried, and still you sucked. But with every episode you became a little blacker and, perhaps not coincidentally, increasingly more lovable. It's too bad that your final moments were overshadowed by someone putting her fingers in someone else's brownies. So long, my little Snoutley Monkeykins, and good luck recovering the precious remnants of your self-esteem.

10.26.2004
11.01.2004
B

admin

3-5
Recap

This Episode Was Brought To You By The Letter "F"

The Girl Who Cries When She Looks In The Mirror - We are phinally phree of phoolish Jennipher as phate's phickle phortune phinishes her phor good.

10.19.2004
10.25.2004
B+

admin

3-4
Recap

Sherlock Homely

The Girl Who Sets A Trap - Call out the search dogs. Amanda lost her freakin' crystals.

10.12.2004
10.17.2004
A

admin

3-3
Recap

Shut Up, Amanda

The Girl Everyone Thinks Is A Backstabber - Makeovers! Amanda gets blonde extensions, which enable her inner hag to shine through. Cassie has an eating disorder, or else she doesn't, depending on when you ask her. The girls are made to do a beauty shot sans makeup (an ironic twist for an episode practically coated in Cover Girl), which gives Janice a lot to work with. Tyra lets her biases shine through. Julie gets the axe. And just when you think you've had enough, there's Danilo.

10.05.2004
10.08.2004
B

admin

3-2
Recap

If You Wanna Go On And Be Funky...

The Girl Who Is Co-Dependent - ...don't say you look like a monkey. For the love of God, don't.

09.28.2004
10.04.2004
B

admin

3-1
Recap

Dancer In The Snark

The Girl With The Secret - Emotional breakthroughs, blindness, beer in the weave. The bar doesn't get any higher than this.

09.21.2004
09.26.2004
B+

admin

2-11
Recap

And, When You're Least Expecting It, Ryan Seacrest

The Runway Ahead - Yoanna becomes America's Next Top Model and goes on a press spree from third-rated CBS to not-rated On Air, cementing her as a member of the b-list and causing the label "Future Center Square" to settle over her like a fine mist of anthrax. On her first day. Good job, UPN publicity department.

05.10.2004
05.12.2004
B-

admin

2-10
Recap

Mercedes Bends

The Girl Who Is America’s Next Top Model - But Mercedes also breaks.

03.22.2004
03.26.2004
B

admin

2-9
Recap

A Lump In His Haute

The Girl Who Cheated - Sure, Eric seems upset at his whore girlfriend now. But he's young and gay. He'll get it over it somehow.

03.15.2004
03.17.2004
A+

admin

2-8
Recap

Postage Unpaid

The Girl Who Is Afraid Of Snakes - Hey! Why did my Tyra Mail get returned? I know I've seen it already. So why am I seeing it again? WHY AM I SEEING IT AGAIN?

03.08.2004
03.10.2004
C+

admin

2-8
Recap

Fellini Meeny Miney Mo

The Girls Who Go To Milan - Chi sarà eliminato questa settimana? Chi più non riterrà le congratulazioni ad essere tranquillo nel funzionamento verso il modello superiore seguente dell'America diventante? Chi ama il traduttore di Alta Vista? Definitivamente Djb!

03.01.2004
03.05.2004
B

admin

2-7
Recap

Shake Ya Not-y

The Girl Who Is Dripping With Hypocrisy - Yes, it's an hour-long tutorial on Tyra's new career. But it's still pretty damn entertaining.

02.23.2004
02.25.2004
B

admin

2-6
Recap

Camille-y Mouthed

The Girl Whose Lips Puffed Up - Can't act, can't sing, can't dance, can't keep that self-satisfied sneer off her face. Keep her!

02.17.2004
02.19.2004
A

admin

2-5
Recap

Mama Said Knock You Out

The Girl Who Is A Visual Orgasm - Mama told us lots of other important things about lupus, too.

02.09.2004
02.11.2004
B-

admin

2-4
Recap

Stopping Short

The Girl Who Needs Six Months Of Modeling School - Jenascia takes a walk, but it takes her three times as long to do so as it would a real girl because -- sing it with me if you know the Randy Newman song -- she's just not tall.

02.02.2004
02.05.2004
B+

admin

2-3
Recap

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

The Girl Who Can Cry At The Drop Of A Hat - Mike! Mike! And...AJ! That's who!

01.26.2004
01.28.2004
B+

admin

2-2
Recap

Trash Compactor

The Girl Who Has A Temper - Breastany gets booted because she's got a rack for porn and a hairstyle for Jersey.

01.19.2004
01.21.2004
B+

admin

2-1
Recap

Model Behavior

The Girl Who Overslept - Model behavior! Get it? Well, do ya? DO YA?

01.12.2004
01.14.2004
B

admin

1-9
Extra

The Elyse Interview

The Elyse Interview - Elyse, the real star of America's Next Top Model, dishes the dirt about Robin, the pagans vs. the Christians, Elimidate, and those oily Parisians.

08.12.2003
08.12.2003

admin

1-8
Recap

Adrianne Wins!

The Girl Who Becomes America’s Next Top Model (Season 1) - In other news, Adrianne wins.

07.07.2003
07.10.2003
A

admin

1-7
Recap

The Sound Of One Djb Snapping

How The Girls Got Here - Well, then, he thought...why not just set the whole season to music?

07.06.2003
07.09.2003
B-

admin

1-7
Recap

Further Teachings From The Book Of Robin

The Girls Who Get Really Naked - And thus she was eliminated. And thus there was great rejoicing in the land.

06.30.2003
07.02.2003
A

admin

1-6
Recap

Pick Up The Francophone

The Girl Who Deals With A Pervert - Paris calling!

06.23.2003
06.27.2003
B+

admin

1-5
Recap

Anorexia, Anorexia/Intimate, Obstinate/Anorexia

The Girl Who Everyone Thinks Is Killing Herself - Elyse is just hungry for the love of her cute but uncute boyfriend, is all. Meanwhile, Djb makes a subtle Fiddler on the Roof joke in the index-page headline and everyone's like, "Huh..."

06.16.2003
06.19.2003
B

admin

1-4
Recap

It Puts The Lotion On The Basket Case

The Girl Who Drives Everyone Crazy - We said, it puts the lotion on the basket case!

06.09.2003
06.12.2003
A

admin

1-3
Recap

Makeover, Makeover, Makeover: The Makeover Episode

The Girl Gets Rushed To The Emergency Room - As prom time nears at Clone High, Abe can't stop thinking about Joan, Gandhi can't find a date, and Mr. B. helps out Scudworth with a makeover because we're thinking what he's programmed to be thinking.

06.02.2003
06.05.2003
A

admin

1-2
Recap

The Gospel According To Elyse

The Girl Is Here To Win - Prayer is bad, Wyclef is bad, J. Alexander is bad, modeling is bad, and puppies are bad. Look, Elyse, we're trying to like you. So why you gotta be hating on the puppies?

05.26.2003
05.29.2003
A

admin

1-1
Recap

Adrianne's Season-Long Victory Lap

The Girl Who Wants It Bad - We all know she wins. Oh, what's that you say? You say you didn't know? Well, welcome to knowledge.

05.19.2003
05.21.2003
A

admin

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