Oh, ha, and then the models made their own fragrances! Shannon wanted a pure smell, like hymens in sacred underpants. Meanwhile, when Bianca learned that the models were expected to hawk their wares in a bathtub, she decided that supermodels and suds do not mix. Lisa had no qualms, of course, but Bianca tried to maintain a shred of dignity. I don't know why she bothered, because the photo shoot for the week had the ladies portraying either Snooki or NeNe Leakes on the back of a motorcycle. Yeah, I don't know. Despite being in blackface, Lisa really impressed Jay Manuel. Meanwhile, Kayla was distracted by fans/crazy people on the shoot and didn't deliver. At panel, Bianca defended her decision not to sell perfume in a tub by invoking Beyonce. This caused Tyra to tell her that she's not Beyonce. Oh! But then there's never before seen footage from the holding room! Bianca tries to blame her stank on the way she says things rather than what she says. You know, she meant "borderline plus size" as a compliment! "Crying Christian" was just a descriptive term! And then in a double-whammy of sadness, both Bianca and Kayla were eliminated. I marked that day on my calendar with a big black X and a frowny face.
The girls had some downtime after the double elimination, and Lisa and Laura tried to convince Shannon that orgasms are good. This is how much of a dumb-ass Shannon is: she needs convincing that orgasms are good. Laura adds this gem: "You can also let your husband watch." Shannon is so scandalized, even more so when Lisa says that Laura masturbates five times a day. I shit you not that Shannon just stands there and drinks a glass of milk. MILK! She could not be more wholesome if she were knitting homemade chastity belts while watching The Waltons.
Later that evening, there was a knock at the door. It was Jay Manuel, who delivered the news that the girls would be writing their own song and starring in their music video. Tom Polce of CBS records was there to help them, and actually took his job so seriously that the girls all sounded pretty good. Though he had the best of intentions, it made the episode a lot less hilarious than it should have been. There was the whole "pot ledom" thing, which I refuse to discuss further. Thankfully Alexandria was around to be the doofus she consistently is. She wore her dark shades in the studio, and in the confessional, where she sang her song some more and gave bonus doofusery just for our viewing pleasure. She also thought that "top" spelled backwards was "pop." Quoth Alexandria on her sunglasses at night, "I really want to perfect it before people can see through my eyes while I'm singing my songs." Between Alexandria and Shannon, who do you think is worse? It's really such a tough call.