America's Next Top Model

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Smile and Pose

Back at the house, Anslee gets on the phone with her dad. She's in tears as she says she misses everyone. Anslee is, like, seriously depressed. She says that when you're on the bottom, you think about everything you've given up and everything you've worked so hard for going down the tubes. She continues to weep as she says she misses her daughter, Chloe, so much. With this, we head to commercials.

When we return, there is Tyra Mail: "2morrow ur going 2 find out who's fake, and who keeps it real. Luv, Tyra." The girls head to Canal Street, where they find the Jays and a guy hawking fake bags and belts. Mr. Jay says that there are two things wrong with buying these wares: 1) it's illegal; 2) it's going to fall apart in a week. Miss J., however, would like to use this opportunity to buy Tyra a birthday present. Alasia narrates the fight between the Jays as such: "One of them's like holding a purse in the hand and they're like, 'This is real! Nah, this is real!' And Jay is like, 'Nah, this is not real. This is not real.'" That's exactly how it goes down. Miss J. talks the vendor down to $15 from $20 and discovers that he's an undercover cop. Fakely, since this is a fake set-up about being fake.

Jay announces that the biggest fashion crime that the girls could ever commit is to purchase knock-off goods. Designers work so hard to create their designs, he says, but the fashion industry loses about $9.2 billion a year due to counterfeit goods. Because everyone who buys a $20 knock-off would otherwise spend $3,000 on a bag that looks roughly the same? Right. Jay claims that this costs a lot of people a lot of jobs. In sweatshops. I mean, all this shit comes from sweatshops, right? It's just that when it comes from a Burberry sweatshop it's marked up by 6,000%. Jay says that today they're raising awareness about the cost of being fake. You want television with a message? Look no further. So for today's shoot, the girls will be dressed in head-to-toe fakery -- fake lashes, fake contacts, fake suntan, fake fur. But fake fur is good! And is the Small Orange Man himself really going to diss the fake tan? The knockoff huckster slash undercover cop is actually the photographer for the shoot. His name is D-Nice, and he is also a DJ.

The girls head to the Land of Fake, where wardrobe stylist Eric Orlando actually says, "That jacket's fierce." Vincent Oquendo is the makeup artist, and is up to some really crazy shit today. Tatianna reminds us that Tyra has told her in the past that her film is crappy, so she's going to try to work what she's got and do better. Jay asks her if she feels pretty in her fake getup, and Tatianna says that she doesn't like her exaggerated lips. Jay tells her that in Alexander McQueen shows, for example, the models looked like they had been punched right in the kisser, too. Tatianna has to push through all the craziness and the fake pink fur vest to sell herself, as well as the concept. Tatianna has a real thing with putting her hands by her face, which Jay does not seem to be a fan of. He says that it cheapened the look. The already deliberately cheap look. Tatianna says that, given her mediocre feedback, she's not expecting to be at the top of the heap come elimination time.

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America's Next Top Model

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