America's Next Top Model

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Sticks in the Mud

Tyra next has each of the girls figure out their archetype. Kasia is a bombshell based on her figure, but she says that she has a couture attitude and demeanor. Jaclyn is the straight-up girl next door, serving you sweet tea and grits and a very tiny booty. Monique is a bombshell, duh. Tyra says that bombshells are only judged by their ability to pick up something that's been dropped. Monique has this one down. I'm sad to say that my knees have never been good enough for me to be a bombshell. The other girls say that Alexandria is edgy, but Tyra thinks she's a booty-shaking bombshell. All of the other girls seem very sad to admit that Brittani is couture. Mikaela is also couture, and Tyra adds that she's sad and scared to let the bombshell out. She encourages Mikaela to shake it out, and it's basically like a collection of bones waving in the wind. Mikaela wonders if she's been underperforming in her photo shoots because she hasn't embraced her bombshell side. Personally, I think it's more the lazy eyes.

Tyra tells the girls that supermodels aren't just everything to all people. They have very specific types but at the same time are able to relate to lots of folks. Except the folks who are short, or who eat, or who are old, or who shop at Wal-Mart. When you become a very successful model, Tyra says, something happens. That something is fame. People will see you and cry. Fame. You'll light up the sky like a flame. Tyra says that fame will come for the winner, and asks the girls how they will deal with it. Like, how has Saleisha even been able to handle it? Has she been forced into seclusion? It must have been very difficult to outfox the paparazzi who are constantly on her tail. Jaclyn tells us that she loves people and loves little kids and thinks it would be awesome to have people look up to you like that.

Tyra asks the girls to think about how close they're going to let their public get to them. She has her boundaries, if you can believe it. She won't let people take pictures of her while she's eating, because there are enough rib jokes floating around out there already. Sometimes in a private situation she'll do a picture, but if she does a picture in public a lot of people will come up. And then there are crazy people who ask you to call their mother-in-law or cousin or whatever. Brittani says that she'd do autographs anytime, but would never call someone on a cell phone. Tyra says that she's done it, and sometimes it lasts for MINUTES. The pains of fame. Monique tells us with extra-defined enunciation that it's very important to have boundaries with your fans, because there are a lot of weird people in the world. We're looking at several of them right now, in fact. Tyra then teaches girls how to sign their autographs. These people can't write already? I know the state of public education is dire, but this is obscene. Tyra makes her signature with a heart, and sometimes a "B." She tells the girls not to do the heart, because it sucks. Newsflash, everyone: Tyra does things even when she knows they suck. This is maybe the first glimmer of self-awareness we've ever seen! It only took 16 seasons. Kasia signs her name with a heart, which Tyra tells her is lame. She adds, "Do as I say, not as I do." Does this apply to EVERYTHING? Even smizing?

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America's Next Top Model




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