America's Next Top Model

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Leaving the Nest

The girls meet up with Mr. Jay, who's standing in a field in the middle of the jungle. He notes that the girls are late. That's because they were reenacting a scene from The Hitcher, only, to our great sadness, nobody was abducted. Jay tells the girls that in the middle of the Brazilian jungle there are more than 2.5 million species of bugs. The Brazilian Jungle Tourism Council thanks him for that. Tyra holds a giant wrench as she says that they're not about insects, but birds. I still don't get how the wrench fits in. Perhaps it will be used to adorn the girls with the feathers that Tyra promises them. Everyone gets the full hair and makeup and some feathery garb. Tyra manages to work in the fact that she shot with Steven Meisel for Italian Vogue. I'm surprised that going to Paris at 13 didn't make the cut.

Allison is first up, with crazy teased out hair. She looks like a member of Vixen, and I'm sure is on the edge of a broken heart as we speak. Allison tells us that of course she's intimidated to be photographed by Tyra, but since they're down to the final four it's really crucial to have a good shoot. Allison makes her way further into the jungle where Tyra and Jay and a makeshift nest await her. Tyra says, and I quote, "Okay, so you are a birdie-owl-slash-pterodactyl. And, like, you're gonna be in the nest to protect your children. Your children are little eggs that haven't hatched, but they're in your pit because they're not in the nest." Allison looks at her blankly, which is EXACTLY WHAT SHE SHOULD BE DOING. Birdie-owl-slash-pterodactyl? In your pit? What? I love how Tyra and Jay and the editors are like, "Oh, dumb-ass Allison once again not knowing how to act like a birdie-owl-pterodactyl with eggs in her pit." Anyway, Tyra notes that Allison will be doing a lot of squatting and her legs might cramp. Since Tyra herself was once a model, she's sensitive to other models in pain. Unless they are standing before her in a judging panel situation. Then, anything goes. Tyra tells Allison to stand up if she needs to, to relieve the leg cramping. Our little birdie-owl-pterodactyl Allison actually works the nest! Jay tells her that her face-on shots are particularly bird-like, so she should keep doing those. Allison tells us that she was surprisingly comfortable with Tyra, who was very helpful and very assertive. That last part I'd buy. Allison feels good, and Tyra gives her a high five. Jay says that this is the least nervous Allison has ever been. This might actually be a bad thing since, when the shoot's over, Allison gives Tyra a hug and says, "You're really pretty." In retrospect, Allison realizes that she's a big fat nerd. She's embarrassed to be such a square. The fact that she says "square" makes me love her even more. I officially endorse Allison for the win!

America's Next Top Model

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