America's Next Top Model

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London Bridge Is Fattening Up

Everyone heads to a theater, where the shoot will take place. They'll be with Ciara on stage. She'll be singing, and each model will get the opportunity to portray an obsessed fan tied up in her microphone cord. Top Model favorite Mike Ruiz is the photographer for the day. He tells them that, being tied up, they have to be aware of their bodies and faces. For her part, Ciara is ready to give diva. Backstage, the girls are basically outfitted in electrical tape and cords. Celia notes to one of the stylists that you have to be toned and lean, because this outfit or lack thereof hides nothing. We flash to London looking perturbed. She interviews that it's ironic that they're basically wearing bathing suits for this shoot and she's a hoss. I don't think that's so much ironic as "sucks to be you."

Celia is up first on stage, and Mike explains the central metaphor of the shoot -- that she's tangled up in Ciara's web. Of cords. Celia stretches out her cords and stretches out her limbs. Her paleness and blonde hair is really working for her here. She notes that Ciara is standing and the models will all be on the floor, so they have to steal the scene from below her, which is no easy feat. At the end of the shoot Jay tells Celia and Ciara that he likes how they vibed off of each others' energy. They high five. Ciara comes back to look at the shots they've just taken, and gives Celia the ultimate compliment: "She gives good, like, stuff." London is next, and confessionalizes that she's feeling very uneasy in her electrical tape and cord ensemble. Natalie interviews that London is very insecure about her weight and is struggling because she can't get past it. If she can find an ad campaign with the slogan, "Me want food!" she might be in business. Commercials.

Meanwhile, McKey is helping someone's wish come true! It is not my wish, which is that Ann Shoket had never been thawed from her cryogenically frozen state. Drat.

When we return, Allison tells us that London was particularly insecure about the tape and cord outfit and thus was really stressed out. London confessionalizes that she prayed to Jesus to give her confidence, and to give her Him inside of her. Ummmm. Well. She wants Jesus to help her push through the outer insecurities and perform like a true top model. London gives it a go, but Mike tells her that she looks awkward and needs to be more conscious of her body and face. Meanwhile, Jay looks on and asks Anda/Masha if London has gained a lot of weight. Anda/Masha simply says, "She's gotten very big." Jay says that this is not subtle weight gain. It's unprofessional. He is perturbed. Jay tells us that London did the best that she could do as a fatty with six donuts in her mouth and rolls flapping about on the stage. He adds that he's shocked not just about the fact that she's gained weight, but because as a model you're supposed to treat your body like a temple. And seriously, London is in no way big for a normal person. But as a model, whatever, you need to be skinny. And on this show you don't even need to be THAT skinny, but still somewhat skinny unless you have burn scars all over you, in which case you get a free pass because maybe you can't even see the flub through all the scar tissue. Anyway, the moral of this story is that gaining 20 pounds is kind of a bad idea.

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America's Next Top Model

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