America's Next Top Model

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Fruits of Laboriousness

Previously on America's Next Top Model: The models played creative director for the day and learned you don't have to be orange to be successful. Teyona was the victor, and chose Aminat and -- somewhat controversially -- Celia to share in her prize. The girls then posed with so-called "icon" Ciara in their photo shoot for the week. London and Aminat both hit sour notes, but Aminat wasn't a giant porker side of lard and so got to stay. London thus missed out on getting to pack her bags for Brazil, the season's international destination. Six bitches remain!

And now, before we begin, I must take a moment to pay tribute to a true legend, Miss Beatrice Arthur. As a Golden Girls addict from my youth until this day, I will never be able to hear the words, "Rose, get the cheesecake," without thinking of her. May she forever bask on heaven's lanai.

We join the girls in their post-elimination limo ride home. They are sad and somber about the loss of London. Kidding! They are happy to have her fat ass out of the house, since she was eating all of the food and if she sat on the couch no one else could fit. And they are also quite happy to be going to Brazil! Teyona interviews that a few people are sipping on their haterade lately. We cut to a shot of Celia drinking from a bottle that is in fact filled with a potion that came directly from the Fountain of Youth. Nice try, grandma. What Teyona means is that since she's doing well, she has to watch out for some bitchery. Some of that bitchery, our mistress Foreshadowing will have us believe, is going to come from Fo, who is still pouty that Teyona did not choose her to share in the Seventeen photo shoot after winning the last challenge. We have a sepia-toned flashback in which Teyona explains that she wouldn't have done so well without her kick-ass model, Celia, so she chose her. Fo says she got a reality check that this, in fact, is a competition and it's every woman for herself. It only took her eight weeks.

But forget about petty rivalries for the moment, because it's time to pack! For Brazil! Natalie interviews that she's stoked to go to Brazil. New York is way too cold for her Southern California ass. The girls bid their New York house adieu, and we get the little plane graphic with all of their faces in the windows. I think that graphic might be my favorite part of this season so far. The girls land in Sao Paulo, which according to stock footage has rainforests and beaches and girls in bikinis that show their butt cheeks, oh my! Aminat says that being in Brazil is a bit mindblowing. I have a feeling it doesn't take much to blow Aminat's mind. It's like the most fragile of fuses. She was in the bottom two last week, again, and so has vowed to turn over a new leaf. Let's hope that leaf doesn't continue to be from the Suckberry Tree.

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America's Next Top Model

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