America's Next Top Model

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The Cheese Stands Alone

Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. "You better bring it, or you're never going to work in this town again. Love, Tyra." If they're lucky they'll never work in L.A. again. Sam reminds us that she was called first last week, and says that Tyra expects a lot of her, and so she can't let Tyra down. I love how she thinks that Tyra gives a rat. The girls head to the Orpheum theater, where the marquee reads, "Night at the Fiercees." Sheena tells us that the theater is the most incredible place she's ever seen, and that whatever they're about to do is going to be off the hizzle. When she Snoop-speaks, it's as if she's doing a cultural dance...of words. The girls sit in the audience, and an announcer introduces Jay Manuel. The curtain on the stage opens to reveal Jay, wearing an ascot. He tells the girls that the theater will serve as the backdrop for today's photo shoot. Mike Rosenthal will be the photographer, and some of the girls will get to pose with hot male models. Jay reminds us all that Tyra created "The Fiercee Awards," which aired on her talk show. Of course she did. He adds that any awards show has unscripted moments - some of them you see, and some you don't. So each girl will have an embarrassing moment to act out. Haven't they been acting out their embarrassing moment for six weeks now?

Marjorie is up first. She is wearing a turban. Do I need to tell you any more? She is nervous that her acting skills aren't top notch. When in doubt, accentuate the turban. Marjorie is posing as a star who has to pee but can't get out of her dress. Or, rather, a hunchback in a turban who has to pee but can't get out of her dress. As it happens, Marjorie is rather brilliant. Jay gives all the credit to Tyra, as he is contractually obligated to do. Samantha is next. She is posing as a starlet who is trying to read cue cards, but a bright light is shining in her eyes. Sam tries on all sorts of strange vaguely European accents. She starts off rough, but eventually gives a couple of good shots. Elina is assigned the role of an overemotional actress who can't stop crying. She is of course terrified that she might have to show an emotion other than mother-hating. Jay notes that Elina has one fake tear rolling down her face, but today he wants real tears. If she starts I'm kind of afraid that she'll flood the theater. Elina interviews that she needs to lose control, and as such this might be her last shoot. Commercials.

Oh, and it's Whitney's My Life As A Cover Girl. An average day for Whitney involves...wait, trick question! Now that she's a cover girl, there are no average days. Blah blah Outlast blah.

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America's Next Top Model

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