America's Next Top Model
The Girl Gets Rushed To The Emergency Room

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Makeover, Makeover, Makeover: The Makeover Episode

"Go through the bags. Revlon supplies the makeup." The competition is that they have to use the supplies they were given to take their faces "from day to night." In a flash, they're off to meet Derek Khan -- oh, fine. I was going to try not to but y'all forced my hand, so here we go: Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! There. Feel better? -- who Tyra voices over is a "diva stylist." He walks them through the streets of New York from pricey store to pricey store, ending up at Guiseppe Zanotti. Elyse tells us that she and Adrianne had spent the entire day pretending they were rich (I know there are misgivings about them both sometimes, but they're totally the two I'd be chasing after this whole day to make them hang out with me, asking them if they wanted a bite of my sandwich. Trust me. They don't), and so it was quite a surprise to them when they arrive at the store and Robin throws down the plastic (not Jay's face, I mean her credit card) for a pair of $795 boots. Khan calls them "divine" and Robin voices over that she has to spend money on footwear because "your feet are what hold you up." Does that mean you also have to spend $795 buying vials of "the Lord's love"? Because I thought that's what held her up.

Jay shows up at some faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahncy store with a bag of Revlon (and WE GET IT) makeup for each girl. He sits them across from a mirror and announces that this is "the makeup challenge. And Revlon sent makeup." Well then, someone pull out their tube of PRODUCT PLACEMENT CONCEALER and apply liberally, because I'm not at all opposed to it as a business tactic, let me be clear, but it's just not being delivered well is all. They're given ten minutes to turn their "day" look into "night," and the winner will go somewhere we only know is "really, really fabulous." I'll give you a hint: pizza.

"Does this look like what I did yesterday?" Jay asks Ebony, whose nighttime look is clearly a bit slapdash. She calls it "horrible" in a confessional, and Jay reminds her not to match her outfit with her eye shadow. Jeez, Ebony. No fashion sense! Shaved head! Militant response to outside stimulus. What are you, some kind of...of...l...l...les...les...less than perfect makeup artist? Adrianne gets a "good try," while Nicole needs practice. Robin also gets "pretty close," and "given your mood yesterday, I can't believe you actually took anything in." Shannon blew it, Kesse didn't smoke her eyes enough, and Elyse wins a reward challenge to the "Indian consulate tonight to meet some very influential people in the fashion industry." Wait, is that really what he said? Jay compliments Elyse again and lets her choose three girls to come along. She chooses Nicole and Adrianne, and realizes that she is friendless besides. So she looks into what I would say was her crystal ball, but that Harry Potter witchcraft shit is totally built stick upon stick by the hands of the devil, so it's really a sign from the almighty when Elyse asks, "Does anyone's mother's maiden name start with a 'g'?" and Robin raises her hand. Quick, y'all. Let's all get on the horn with customer service and totally...change the billing address on Robin's bank statements! Wait. I'm totally not making fun anymore. Her mother's maiden name is "God."

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America's Next Top Model

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