America's Next Top Model
The Girl The Lionesses Are Hunting

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Tea And No Sympathy

The winner of the tea ceremony is Yaya. Fucker. Eva says that it's a conspiracy. Yaya chooses Amanda to go with her. Amanda says more power to Yaya, since she is enjoying the fruits of Yaya's labor. Baby, sweet baby, if it's all the same, take the glory any day over the fame. Or over being associated with Yaya.

Amanda and Yaya go to the hot springs. The hot springs look awesome. Amanda says that with so few girls left in the house, and after being with them for a long period of time, you get to know who's "real" and who's not. I actually think a more fun challenge would be to try to identify which parts of Janice are real, and which are not.

Eva interviews that Ann keeps asking her why she's been so quiet. Eva says that the atmosphere calls for calm. Someone should send Richard Simmons to Tokyo. And maybe my mom, sometimes. Ann says that she doesn't know where she stands in her friendship with Eva, because she doesn't know who Eva is anymore. Oh, please. They've known each other for, like, three weeks. It's not like, "I just heard the worst thing about my high-school boyfriend, Jeffrey Dahmer. He used to be so sweet!" I mean, that would be grounds for puzzlement over someone's behavior. Norelle says that she's nervous because she doesn't feel like she's the strongest competitor. She adds that Yaya has won the majority of the competitions, but that doesn't mean that she'll be America's Next Top Model. Lord, I hope not. You might not have realized this yet, but I kind of hate Yaya.

Yaya and Amanda eat sushi. Yaya says, "Can we take a moment and appreciate these bowls?" Somewhere, the fake kente cloth hat cries foul. Amanda gravely says, "Yeah," and adds that she's going to cry. They're dishes! I mean, they're really nice dishes, but still. They oooh and ahhh over their delicious fishes. Yaya says, "This makes me want to study fish." No, she really said that. Can someone please get her to shut up? Seriously, I'll give you anything you want.

The girls "decide" to go out. They get ready, and Amanda realizes that she's wearing shoes in the house, where a person should go shoeless, so she drops to the floor and rolls on her back. Just like she did on that fateful morning of September 11, 2001. The girls go to the bar on the roof of the hotel. Ann says that Eva was separate from the rest of the group. Eva says that there's a very weird energy, and that she's not close with any of the girls in the house. The girls toast to the top five, and then who waltzes off the elevator but an alien dressed as a hooker-style Rainbow Brite. Oh wait, it's just Tyra. Amanda calls Tyra's dress gorgeous. Which: blind. Tyra takes off her shoes because her feet hurt. Wow! That's real.

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America's Next Top Model

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