America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Becomes America's Next Top Model (Season 8)

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The Girl Who...Wait, Seriously?

Natasha's commercial shoot is first. Jay notes that there's a little extra pressure, because Cover Girl representative Brent Poer is there, and he oversees all the "My Life" spots. So today is not just about pleasing Jay and the judges, it's about pleasing a client. Brent says that the winner will have this shoot run as her first My Life as a Cover Girl commercial. Natasha, who looks really gorgeous, interviews that it's really important for her to bring it on. Jay tells her that there are a couple of lines that she has to land apart from the ad-libbed dialogue: "New TruShine lip color in sheer, shiny shades that match 97% of skin tones." Never have I so wished for a contestant with a lisp.

Take one. Natasha begins talking about her life as winner of America's Next Top Model in a really calm manner. Jay tells us that she wrote out an entire script, which seems like a really smart idea at first. However, it sounded like she was reading a grocery list, or the back of a bottle of TruBlend foundation. Jay tells her that they're going for spontaneity, so her script won't work. In the next take, she enthusiastically yet repetitively talks about how she always wanted to be a model, and now that she's won the competition, she's a very successful model. She ends with, "Was it better?" Jay and Brent say that it was, and Natasha does a little dance of joy a la Cousin Balki. Throughout the whole thing, her posture is kind of terrible, which has the effect of making her look like a very pretty hunchback.

Next is Renee, who -- I shit you not -- is wearing a gold sequined t-shirt dress with an open back. She looks like Blanche Devereaux on a booze cruise. Which, I think, is pretty much her life 30 years from now. But seriously, there's nothing like gold lame and sequins to give someone the young, fresh look so coveted by Cover Girl. Renee interviews that she felt strange not having lines to memorize. She puts on the Cover Girl TruShine lip color on the boat, and I don't know if it was the waves or if Renee is just an enthusiast of the clown look, but she kind of has lipstick all over her face. Why does no one fix this? Renee starts off with a cheery "aloha," and then continues cheerily, "I had a baby nine months ago, and I thought that my life was over." That $100,000 contract will pay a lot of therapy bills for little Troy, I guess. In the next commercial they'll show her packing up and leaving her tiny apartment. Before she exits, she'll pick up Troy, turn to the camera and say, "It wasn't so long ago that the hole in that condom that produced this little fella was matched only by the hole in my soul. Saddled with a deadbeat husband and a kid that I didn't want but couldn't lawfully put in the freezer, I didn't think it was possible to lead a life of glamour, much less find a concealer that matched my skin tone so perfectly. Now, I have both. Thanks, Cover Girl!"

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America's Next Top Model




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