America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Becomes America's Next Top Model (Season 8)

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The Girl Who...Wait, Seriously?

So who goes home? Grandma Renee, that's who. Cue looks of shock from Natasha, Renee, Jaslene, and me. For whatever reason, I totally thought Renee was going to take it. I always suck at predicting who will win this show. Tyra tells Natasha that she was chosen both for her bright shining personality and her ability to take a critique and use it to improve. Renee gets a hug from Tyra and a lifetime supply of eye cream. Thanks for playing! She hugs the two finalists on the way out, then says to Natasha, "Win this for the mamas, okay?" I thought she hated Natasha? The hell? Renee tells us that she's completely blown away by the judges' decision. She had the best commercial, as well as the best picture, but apparently that wasn't good enough for them. You know, she has a point. A little bit, it was bullshit. "Apparently I look old," she says. Wow, is she ever going to have a complex about this. Renee says that she'd rather have wisdom in her eyes and thoughts in her head than be blank and stupid. Frankly, I'll take the blank stupidity over crow's feet any day. She packs up and, we are to assume, someone wheels her to her gate at the airport. At least she'll get to board the plane first! Don't forget your prunes, Renee!

Sooner than we can say, "What was the name of that ancient loser, again?" Natasha and Jaslene head to their Seventeen cover shoot. Carissa Rosenberg is there again, and explains to them very slowly that only one girl will actually be on the cover. She totally thinks they're idiots. Which, you know, she might have some grounds. Carissa shills a little for South Pole clothing, and the girls head to makeup. Jaslene interviews that she's really surprised that Natasha's there instead of Renee, and says that if Natasha wins, she'll pull out all of her hair. Natasha's hair, not her own. And given the pile of straw that's there now, this might not be the worst thing. Natasha has her shoot and explains to us that she's doing this not only for herself, but for her baby and, we're left to assume, any future babies. If she wins, she'll be happy. And after all, she says, her babies don't want an unhappy woman raising them. If so, they'd go and live with Renee. A teary Jaslene interviews that if her family were there, she knows they'd be so proud that she made it this far. But she knows that this isn't the finish line, and there's more to go. Jaslene is hungry. I mean, literally, like, for a cheeseburger. Have you seen how skinny she is?

Natasha enters her house and yells with total surprise, "Oh my God! Tyra!" Yes, Tyra is there for a little heart-to-heart. Natasha yells again with even more excitement, "Oh my God, Tyra!" and rushes over to sit by her. It's like she's finally outwitted the squirrel. Tyra asks Natasha to talk about her life in Russia. No, what we want to hear about is Natasha's life here. Sigh. I guess we are never to know the real deal. Natasha says that her mom couldn't afford to put her in a university, and so she moved to Moscow. It was a huge city, and she didn't know anyone, and there were times when she didn't have anything at all. See, Natasha's had hard times too, as well as a baby, but she still retains that sort of soft, youthful quality. Tyra asks what Natasha's biggest challenge was in the competition, and Natasha says that she was always worried what the other girls thought of her, because she wanted to be friends with them. Tyra asks if she thought they were angry because Natasha emigrated from Russia, and this competition is called America's Next Top Model. Natasha says she doesn't think so, because America is a melting pot of nationalities. Far. She's been traveling far. Without a home. But not without a star. "I am an American, and I feel myself as an American," says Natasha. Natasha doesn't want anybody else. When she hears "This Land Is Your Land," she feels herself. Tyra tells her to relax her neck and relax her mouth, and she'll do just fine.

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America's Next Top Model

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