Caridee and Melrose walk back in. They get a chance to say what the competition meant to them. Caridee loves the fashion industry and always wanted to model, but couldn't for part of her life. But now she's had the chance, and the judges believe in her. She thanks them. She's crying. Awww. Melrose says that she feels like she's having an "outer body experience." Hey, me too!

Anyway, America's Next Top Model is...Caridee. I mean, clearly. The best part of the whole thing is that Melrose is pissed. Like, visibly. She weeps and interviews that she gave her everything and that it wasn't enough, and what's more, she was called a bitch the whole way through. She totally looks like some evil Disney queen right now. She feels really misunderstood, and she's sad. She says that it's Bum City right now. I want to make an L on my forehead and sing the loser song as she exits. That's not very nice of me, is it?

Meanwhile, Caridee is happy. She's ScalyDee no longer! She has overcome the horrors of psoriasis, only to become prone to the horrors of becoming America's Next Top Model. Good for her? I think? But really, I am happy that she seems happy, and I think she's gorgeous, and we'll just wait and see if she starts to burn up the Paris runways anytime soon.

Thanks for reading, everyone! Happy holidays and have a wonderful, fierce New Year! I'm off to Aruba with my ghost bride. We're registered at Pottery Barn!