America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Becomes America's Next Top Model (Season 7)

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Battle Of The Blands

Then there's Eugena. Jim tells her that the shot is all about face and lips. Eugena interviews that she's going into this shoot making sure that her eyes aren't dead, because she's sick of Tyra Banks telling her that she has dead eyes. I think the world is tired of hearing Tyra Banks tell anyone that she has dead eyes. When her shoot's done, she gives Jim a kiss on the cheek, and he says that he's going to get in trouble with his wife. Oh, Jim! He's such a flirt.

So the only thing left to do is get some pick-up shots for the commercial. This involves the girls standing together and making use of the words "easy," "breezy," and "beautiful." They have to flounce around like they're best friends, which Eugena assures us they're not. Jay says that they were almost convincing enough to make people believe they like each other, and Caridee pretends to stab Eugena in the head. That would be one way to get down to the final two quickly.

Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. Some bitch is going home. Melrose says that it's weird going to Panel and only having three people. She just wants to hear her name get called. In that way, Melrose's fondest wish is antithetical to that of the entire CW-watching world. ["All twenty-three of us." -- Wing Chun] Eugena says that they know the routine by now, and that you just have to hope the judges like you and want to keep you. I love how she's so over it. Caridee is nervous. She says that she screwed up a lot during her commercial, and that they'll just have to see.

And with that, we're at Panel. Melrose appears to be wearing pants that are actually tights, or tights that are actually pants. In any case, it's horrifying. But not as horrifying as what Tyra is wearing. She looks like a blood sausage in black casing. There are prizes, there are judges. The guest judges are Victorio and Lucchino, the men who will design the dresses that the final two models will "stomp to the death in" (OH, IF ONLY) in the final runway show. Then, everyone watches the final commercial. Did you know that Cover Girl Outlast Lip Shine lasts for ten hours? That's five times as long as the previous record holder for longest-lasting shine gloss. Or, maybe five times as long as regular lip gloss. In any case, that must be some viscous fluid if it stays on your lips that long. ["Not to be all smells like cupcakes about it, but it's actually pretty awesome." -- Wing Chun] The girls tell us that if we use it we'll stay shiny for a very long time. Are we supposed to think that's a good thing? ["That part isn't true, but the colour lasts." -- Wing Chun] Tyra tells the girl that the commercial was really good, and Nigel gives a fake clap.

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America's Next Top Model

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