America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: C- | 1 USERS: A+
Easy, Breezy, Tootieful

In any case, who knows better about shimmery shiny shimmer shine than Jaslene? Yes, she is there to give the girls Chantal says that seeing Jaslene gave her the extra kick she needed -- she wants to be in Jaslene's cute yellow strappy shoes really badly. Hey, if she wants to risk a raging case of plantar warts, go for it. Jaslene sprouts advice as the girls get made up, but I can't quite seem to pay attention to her words, number one because of the deaf voice, and two because of the giant yellow fan she's waving around. What self-respecting drag queen would go to China without her giant fan? Jaslene tells the girls that they'll find out so many things about themselves by being in the competition. Like, for instance, that they're lacking a second X chromosome.

The girls memorize the script. Jenah asks with what can only be described as a sarcastic air why lemon is Chantal's favorite flavor. And, see, wouldn't you totally make fun of the stupid Cover Girl script, too? Jenah grew on me a little this episode, I'm not going to lie. Chantal, with, like, negative amounts of sarcasm, replies, "Because a spritz of citrus keeps me feeling fresh!" Wait, is there a Massengill tie-in here? Christian asks if the spritzers are fruity, and Jenah makes him put some on. He looks mildly horrified. Jenah interviews that she's very nervous, as they're shooting a real ad right now. She adds that it's terrifying, but also the most exciting thing. Almost exciting as having a nationally televised therapy session! But we'll get to panel in a few minutes.

Chantal shoots her commercial first. She interviews that she doesn't feel totally prepared to go out there and kill it. She starts with the spritzy, sparkling dialogue, "If my fortune cookie could say one thing, what would it be?" Hmm, "Prepare for a great disappointment," perhaps? Or, "Get a new destiny." And on the back would be the Chinese word for "Tootie." Chantal stumbles a little, but makes it all better by crinkling her nose. Her favorite spritzer is lemon splash. Jay tells her to sound less like she's reading lines, and less like she's a dumb model. Good luck on that second part. She ends the commercial saying that Wetslicks Fruit Spritzers are "a delicious fortune of refreshing shine." What the hell does that even mean? Is it an anagram? Does it sound out, "Suck on this, Saleisha is your new God now," if you read it backwards? And what was her fortune? I hate cliffhangers! Jay and Brent tell Chantal that her take was awesome, and she interviews that she embodies the essence of a Cover Girl quite well -- she's friendly, loves life, and, most importantly, loves delicious fruity lip gloss. I'm with her on that last part, in any case.

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America's Next Top Model




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