America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: C- | 1 USERS: A+
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Easy, Breezy, Tootieful

Chantal and Saleisha meet the two Jays at Taimiao, right next to the Forbidden City. The concept of the fashion show will be to take the old -- the Qing dynasty -- merged all the way to the future. There will be 500 extras in Qing dynasty costumes, and the two finalists will represent the "new." Okay, first of all, it is true what they say about cheap Chinese labor if this show is hiring 500 extras. Second, it's no "Ghost Brides." Jaslene is opening the show. This gives her more opportunity to tell the girls tales of how she went to the bathroom crying during her finale, and said, "Oh my God, God, this is it." Winning America's Next Top Model has the opposite effect of kissing the Blarney Stone.

The girls are made up, and the 500 extras take their places. Tyra comes backstage with some crazy-ass hair that makes her fivehead look like a bona fide sixhead. She tells Saleisha and Chantal that they'll be walking on the world's longest runway. Is that in the Guinness Book of World Records? Is it as long as that crazy lady's fingernails? I thought not. The girls will each have three changes. Tyra gives them a hug and takes her seat in the audience. Of four. Jay tries to pump up the two finalists, despite the fact that nobody except the judges will be watching them. As each girl vows to stomp her ass off, Chantal takes a deep breath and we head to commercials. ["I was so completely confused by this sequence, dude. How is this a fashion show? Isn't it just...like a simulated fashion show? It was one thing when the audience was fakey-fake brought in just for show, but it's an illusion that was worth creating, because this was just SO WEIRD." -- Miss Alli]

When we return, the girls prepare for the show. Chantal wants to walk away from it knowing that she did her best and not having any regrets. Saleisha is ready, and says this is her destiny, so she's going to go out there and do it. Jay gives the useless advice to "do you," and with a gong, we begin. One ornately dressed extra welcomes...well, I don't know who, since no one is actually there in the audience...us, I guess?...to the Royal Fashion Show. Miss J. walks down the runway, followed by Twiggy and Nigel. And then, the extra yells, "Tyra Banks is now arriving!" She is followed by several extras, one of whom holds a mushroom parasol above her head, despite the fact that it's totally cloudy. And finally, we have some folks in stilts walking down the runway, and then flanking it. Don't sleep on the stilties; they will be important later.

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America's Next Top Model

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