America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Blames The Taxi Driver

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The Girl Who Freaked the Hell Out

Previously on ANTM: The girls hit the streets of Sydney, Australia, to hone the interviewing skills that I'm sure they'll need as they lapse into obscurity months from now. A Cover Girl commercial went on as smooth as TruBlend foundation for Natasha and Renee, but was disastrous as a zit that refuses to be concealed for Jael and Brittany. Jael failed to sell her commercial side and was sent home to whip as many boys' asses as she pleases. Five golden bitches remain.

And since Tyra keeps asking...no thanks, I don't actually want to be on top. Unless it's of spaghetti, all covered with cheese. Which, in fact, is not so different than this show, except that Jaslene never loses her meatballs when somebody sneezes.

We are in Sydney! Beautiful city of beautiful things and beautiful people. The girls ride home in their limo. Renee says that she's so glad they all made it to the final five. Natasha busts out her signature line: "Oh my God, I cannot believe it!" and appears to flagellate herself. Renee says that it's going to be so strange not having Jael in the house, since she's the one who's so much fun all the time. Apparently, Renee's version of "fun" is getting a verbal ass-whipping by someone she admittedly hates. By this same logic, maybe they should have Goofy start berating people while they wait in line at Disney World. Renee interviews that Brittany used her short-term memory as a crutch at panel, and we flash back to Lucy Excusey blubbering in front of the judges. Renee thinks it was unfair that Jael was sent home. Well, on that, I'll have to disagree. Brittany was pretty bad at the Cover Girl commercial, and is really annoying, but she had done a great job up until that point. And Jael didn't stand a chance in Wetslicks of winning the show. Brittany interviews that it sucked to see Jael go home, but at the same time, Jael knew she was going home, because Brittany seems to be doing a lot better at the photo shoots. The way that Brittany says this is further proof of her annoying tendencies. It comes off as pretty snotty.

At home, there has been a speedy delivery of Jael mail. The cover page reads, "Empty your souls and let your spirit sparkle the universe! XOXO, Gramps." Of course it does. There is a letter for everyone. Natasha's says that she's the most beautiful girl that Jael has ever seen. Aw. Renee's says, "When you win, will you loan me a thousand dollars to pay my rent?" Brittany's says, "If you'd gotten cut, you know I would have sacrificed myself for you." What we don't see is that this is followed by two check boxes marked "true" and "false." I mean, come on. And then we hear the voice of reason from our trusty stalwart Dionne. She says that she wanted Brittany to go home, because when the girls did their acting challenge with Tia Mowry, Brittany was all excited about it and knew every line word for word. Hey, that's what I said! But when it came to the Cover Girl commercial, we got the blubbering about the short term memory. "Short-term memory? You are LYING!" says Dionne. She adds that Brittany always makes up an excuse for every single thing. Let us just think of this episode as a test to prove out that hypothesis.

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America's Next Top Model

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