America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Breaks Down

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Breaking Down Is Hard to Do

Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. One of these bitches is going home, at long last. Caridee interviews that she thinks the judges are going to be rough on her, and that this is the first time she really bombed. With that sobering thought, we have commercials.

When we return, we are at Panel. Tyra speaks to the girls in Spanish. She looks like a madam from a brothel in the wild west, but weave-ier. She says that the top six who made it across the water have really big feet. Or something like that. There are prizes, there are judges. Miss J. is sporting Flock of Seagulls hair. Twiggy is very excited to be in Barcelona. Denis, the commercial director, is the guest judge.

Michelle gets called up first. She is wearing skinny pants. I didn't know that there were pants in the world that skinny. Tyra first shows the girls the finished commercial. The total dialogue as translated is as such:

Eugena: Are you strong enough to share a secret?
Melrose: I have a tattoo no one knows about.
Caridee: Sometimes I pretend to like cool music.
Amanda: I'll even ride an extra stop if there's a cute guy on the train.
Melrose: But what's my real secret?
Eugena: The only reason I got serious with this guy is because his baby pictures were cute and I wanted to see what our kids would look like. [Kiss kiss kiss.]
Caridee: [Porny kiss kiss kiss.]
Eugena: Secret. Strong enough for a woman.
Jaeda: [Holds up deodorant.]

Hey! Michelle wasn't even in that commercial! At least Jaeda got to hold up the deodorant. And Eugena was clearly the star. Innnnteresting. We look at Michelle's best take. She looks like she has a lazy eye. When you can see her face, that is. She's pretty awful. Tyra says that the kiss was good until she came up, and then asks whether Michelle has ever kissed a boy before. Michelle says yes, when she was ten. Tyra says that doesn't count. She adds that she enjoyed watching Michelle, but not listening to her. Nigel says that Michelle didn't relate to any of the boys she was talking to. Tyra tells her to think about the words in English, so that she can be adequately expressive.

Then there is Eugena. She looks great. I don't know, Eugena has grown on me. Tyra tells her that, so far, she was the best. Well, she's only the second girl to go! Miss J. asks whether she ad-libbed a little, and Eugena admits that she did. Miss J. says that it's all good, because she was convincing. Tyra was impressed with her.

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America's Next Top Model

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