America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Can Cry At The Drop Of A Hat

Episode Report Card
Djb: B+ | Grade It Now!
Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

And back we go to the elimination room, Camille entering last for the nutritional want the absence of one tomato has resulted in, poor dear. "You all look like new people," Tyra notes, somewhat heavily made-up herself in penance for the crime of trying to kill me with naturalism. "Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow," cries Janice Dickinson at the girls' new look, sounding like she's whacked out on nine kinds of ecstasy and preferring the ease of repeating one slurred word over and over again rather than wandering around trying to figure out where she is with questions like, "Jay, do you think it's safe for me to eat your delicious cotton candy head?" or "Girls, do you think the color 'trashy' you're seeing is the same color 'trashy' I'm seeing?" The victory prizes are repeated and the judges reintroduced, tonight's hyperbolic presentation of Janice reaching a fever pitch of absurdity: "First, but not least, is Ms. Janice Dickinson, who is the first supermodel ever, in the world, in existence." Janice wears a bright red dress that scoops down in the middle almost to her shoes, forming the impression of an entire face that lacks only a nose. If you've figured out what the eyes are, we're on the same page here. Next up is Eric Nicholson, the senior fashion editor from Jane who is going to have a lot of explaining to do to his mom when she finds out that he's not at piano lessons after school like she thought. Then there's Nah-gel Bah-ker, whose role as guy-with-a-part- not-much-bigger- than-mine has dwindled considerably since he barked droll Britishisms in a time called The Past. And, finally this week, our guest judge is preeminent art director (and noted cotton candy head) Jay Manuel, who turns Tyra from a steaming pile of pig party into a beauuuutiful laaaaaaaaaaaadeeeee.

Before the Prada boot finds its way up one unlucky girl's ass this week, however, Jay has one more challenge to explain to them: "You girls are gonna have to recreate a specific look reminiscent of a certain era." Muh? "We have '50s glamour, '60s mod, '80s punk, a goth look, and a futuristic look." What about '70s prog rock? I feel like Mercedes has got it in her to pull off a kick-ass Rick Wakeman these judges won't soon forget. And since when was goth an "era"? They're each given a card and then rush through a dolling-up routine, and we montage back seconds. Does this count as futuristic because it's now technically in the future?

Shandi goes first, and Janice all but hiccups a cocktail onion when she announces, "Shandi is Shandified!" She painted black stripes from her lip to her chin and coming out of each eye, and she holds up a card that announces her as "goth." Oh, wouldn't it have been much more fun to have made the judges guess? So many opportunities for Janice to have been all, "Who are you, Janice Dickinson, circa '60s mod? Stop looking at me like that! Why, I oughtta...zzzzzzzzzzz." But alas, that is not the case, though they all agree that Shandi nailed the makeup test. Her photo shoot "way up in the sky, high, like Superman" (is Tyra speaking in code to her secret ops somewhere, because she has ceased to make any sense at all) turned out very Clockwork Orange, with her black bowler hat and white suit, and one of the panel members says that as well. She's a big A+ and she's not going anywhere this week. See what a little never eating will get you? Success!

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America's Next Top Model




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