America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Can Cry At The Drop Of A Hat

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Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Janice does not like April's futuristic makeup, but they all love her picture. Jay jams the pointy edge of a film canister in Heather's eye by announcing that he had "so many shots it was very hard to choose" with April's shoot, and Tyra piles on, "That's what I'm talking about." Except that he's speaking English, dear.

Xiomara looks "like a mime act," according to Nigel, and the picture doesn't work for anyone. And then, this is a problem: "I didn't really have much direction...because he was comforting Catie." No one likes a complainer, so they all tell her that it was her responsibility to call Jay back, which is kind of a gray area, if you ask me. Tyra predicts that Catie's shots are going to be much better, "because Catie was thinking about herself and you were thinking about Catie." And sure enough, Catie steps out just then and waves a finger in the face of the jury, saying, "He never said a word to me. He was directing Xiomara." Janice leaps in and screams, "Boarding school!" Catie's picture comes up and is deemed "fabulous" by all of the panel members, and as the girls leave so that the judges can deliberate, Janice huffs, "Oh, my god. Drama!" like the fabulous drag queen he is. Isn't it funny that I used to think she was a woman back in the first few episodes of this show?

A special shot to the waiting area shows Catie crying and fainting, and Xiomara brilliantly advises, "Pick a character. Either you're this scared crapless girl or you are this attitude-having diva. But don't try to be both." Xiomara rages that Catie sold her out and that she's sure she's going home today. And she would have, if Tyra's vast alien powers hadn't reached through the time-space continuum to create a girl everyone vaguely remembers having been there the whole time.

Back inside the deliberation room, Janice kicks things off by saying that Catie should be out for her frequent meltdowns. But never one to walk away from a one-liner, she retorts to Tyra's "Xiomara" with a yelled "Ah, see you later" that makes me thank the higher powers for her existence on this show. The planet she came from must miss her horribly. Mercedes and Shandi show great growth. Camille didn't do that well. Yoanna has "a lovely face" but, according to Nigel, "definitely has to work on her body." Thanks for driving the point home that "that's what you get for eating," Nigel. Props all around. Sara they loved, April they loved, Heather was a mess on the shoot. Jay thinks Heather's out, Janice says she's in. Janice also thinks Jenascia is -- wait for it -- "too short." Eric tries to play the Kate Moss card again, and Nigel finally puts an end to that, delivering some part of what was, I'm sure in its entirety, "I knew Kate Moss. Kate Moss was a friend of mine. You, sir, are no Kate Moss." It's from politics. Look it up.

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America's Next Top Model

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