America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Can Cry At The Drop Of A Hat

Episode Report Card
Djb: B+ | Grade It Now!
Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Shandi makes it down to the end of the runway and shifts her weight, which means her overstressed left half is now bearing the total cumulative weight of all fourteen of her pounds. I'm not sure the floor can handle it! And Catie is allegedly somewhat afraid of heights, I've heard! Since Shandi is too busy concentrating on the ins-and-outs of what the rest of us leave to our intuitively-named "involuntary muscles" to expound any further, let's run our opinions of her through The Bitch Filter and see if the scan runs clean. First let's hear it from Mercedes: "My initial reaction about Shandi is that she is this nerdy, kind of dork kind of girl." Scanning for bitchiness. Infected! Infected! Infected! But since she said that that was her "initial reaction," maybe she thought that back when she first met Shandi but now she's changed her mind. What about you, Sara? "I've seen a lot of unattractive models, and a lot of girls that are used in magazines, where I'm just, like, why the hell did they put these girls in this magazine?" Scanning for bitchiness. Infected! Infected! Infected! But since she never specifically said Shandi's name in that entire confessional, maybe she wasn't even talking about her at all. Or maybe she just didn't say her name because she was afraid crazy shopping cart Shandi would bite her and totally give her scabies.

But lo, the runway grows crowded with other vessels taxiing for takeoff on Conti-Mental Airlines. Catie mysteriously edits herself into the frame wearing the same tablecloth and inserting herself in line before Shandi. Does she really need practice walking after last week's drive in her fancy Carmen Marc Valvo and subsequent extremely ambiguous party? Maybe she mistook the tablecloth for the world's biggest tissue and she's planning its strategic future uses. It's impossible to know for sure. Whatever the circumstance, she takes over the runway, clomping down it in Shandi's CrazyDress, as Xiomara takes over confessional duties, noting, "Catie's behavior can be definitely attention-seeking." She then experiences that old saw that I've just made up known in the realty television world as "Confessor's Remorse," and she considers the unlikely possibility that this show might one day air anything that she does or says, so Xiomara quickly tacks on a repentant "But I love her!" She then laughs sheepishly, realizing sadly that she has just evened out the equation of one friend in that house per every one hundred teeth in her mouth.

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America's Next Top Model




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