America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Can Cry At The Drop Of A Hat

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Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Shut up, Heather.

Yoanna and her guests enter the house, Yoanna remembering to tell her phalanx of chefs, "It smells good!" Smells like a nice mix of victory and spite in there, especially with arch-nemesis Camille standing at the stove donning a metaphoric "Ask Me About My...Self" apron and preparing a meal for Yoanna and her friends. Yoanna does cop to being "jazzed" in a confessional that Camille will have to wait on her tonight, and the subservience of this activity is, I have to admit, kind of brilliant. "I think it might do her some good," says Yoanna, finally taking the power dynamic back and forcing Camille to work off her community-service hours for the punishable crime of Bitch in the first degree.

Secret guests! Secret guests! It's Mike, Mike, and AJ, the three IMG models from the Adam and Eve photo shoot in the season premiere! Yay! And they all...I don't know, have a lot of clothes on. Boo! Yoanna immediately kicks in with questions about the modeling world, which are interspersed with her calling out for more vegetables and water. Mmmmm. Quite a dinner. Camille picks a fight with Catie for using her personal vegetables to serve at the dinner, telling us in a confessional, "It's a stinkin' tomato and six pieces of lettuce. Get over it." But Catie, when that's the entirety of one's eating regimen for the entire year, it does kind of raise the stakes maybe just a leeeeeetle bit?

Catie and the genetic DeVito to her own superior Schwarzenegger (oh, man. My spell check knows the word "Schwarzenegger." Why am I so dizzy when it's obvious the world just stopped spinning?) sit outside, Heather complaining, "I try to talk to some people and they don't even want to look at me when I'm talking to them." Catie responds with the inadvertently brilliant unsympathetic reply, "We all go through it. Want to start walking back?" And so they do, and in a confessional Heather tells us how close she feels to Catie and how relieved she is that other people feel the same way. Unless Cover Girl changes their corporate logo to "Needy, Breezy, Beautiful" by the time they're back in front of the judges, Heather doesn't even have a one-third of a chance of winning this thing.

Tyra mail! Tyra mail! Tyra mail! Since four of the girls take it upon themselves to prove that they can use their context clues and at least figure out this whole "reading" thing by the magical power of phonetics, they all crowd around the card and read it with overlapping "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" cacophony, so we're forced to read it for them when it's held in front of the camera. Here's what it says: "Venustraphobia: The fear of beautiful women. Ophidiophobia: The fear of snakes. Algophobia: The fear of pain. What are you afraid of? We'll find out tomorrow. Be ready at 7 in the morning." Hey, doesn't she mean...oh, never mind.

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America's Next Top Model

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