America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Comes Back

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Concrete and Barbed Wire

For reasons having to do with not knowing their way around L.A., Laura and Nastasia decide to go to Guess last and wind up at Lulu Guinness first. Lulu Guiness is a Tim Burton-variety British lady with colorful lip-shaped handbags. She says that Nastasia's looks grew on her, and that she has a more sophisticated appearance when photographed. Brittany and Kristin next head to I Heart Ronson, where designer Charlotte Ronson awaits. She explains that I Heart Ronson is a line for JC Penney, so it's about all-American, natural beauty. While Brittany was cute and bubbly, Charlotte thought that Kristin seemed more comfortable with what she was doing.

Kiara and Victoria head to Whitney Port, and it turns out that Victoria has a bit of a girl-crush on Whitney, whom she describes as "diversely talented." Determined not to let Kiara outshine her, Victoria then proceeds to continuously talk over her companion and interrupt at every chance possible. Kiara is not feeing it, and neither is Whitney. She says that Victoria was very excited, and came off like she was trying very hard. Kiara tells us that Victoria needs to chill, and also can take her talk and shove it up her you know what. At least if Victoria shoved her talk up her you know what she might absorb some calories? Charlotte Ronson says that Victoria was very confident, but is too bony for her collection. That is a refreshing point of view until a few moments later, when we hear Charlotte Ronson say that Laura is too big for her collection. Apparently she is the Goldilocks of the fashion world.

Laura and Nastasia head to see Cecilia Cassini, who tells us that she's been designing since she was six years old. She's thirteen now, which simultaneously makes me want to kill her and myself. Nastasia is also like WTF. Cecilia talks about how her collection is very avant garde, I guess because it is designed by a 46-year-old trapped in a child's body. Her life is a continuous showing of Freaky Friday. Stop posing with your measuring tape and go pay hopscotch or something, kid! Come back and show us your clothes after you've lost all your baby teeth! Laura tries to convince us that Cecilia is an inspiration. To me, she's an inspiration to be born of very wealthy parents in my next life. As Laura and Nastasia are wrapping up, Kiara and Victoria walk in. Kiara has a little sister who's the same age, and so tries to relate to Cecilia in sort of a "cool babysitter" way. Victoria says that Cecilia is very easy to talk to despite being a child prodigy, and as evidence of her success in this matter we watch the two of them sitting silently as crickets chirp. Cecilia tells us that Victoria was trying to be as bubbly as Kiara, but it was clear that this wasn't her true personality. When you can't even fool a 13-year-old, consider yourself on a legit downhill slide.

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America's Next Top Model

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