America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Comes Back

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Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Concrete and Barbed Wire

The girls head off to a fancy dinner, where Victoria is also downtrodden at having booked zero gigs. Laura tells us that Victoria "obviously does have a couple of problems going on." She too questions whether Victoria can handle the competition. As Victoria expresses confusion about why she didn't book any gigs when she performed well, Kiara tells us her theory -- it involves Kiara being awesome, and perhaps too awesome to be paired up with. And just when you thought things couldn't get worse, P'Trique shows up. He's serving a little dish called Tyra Mail: "A top model knows her best angles, so make sure you stay in line and keep a straight face." Maybe they're going to be sliced in half by giant protractors? Dare we dream?

Back at the house, the girls see their challenge scores, all of which were quite close. Laura got a 7.5, Kiara got a 7.5, Victoria got a 7.3, Brittany got a 6.7, Kristin got a 6.5, and Nastasia got a 6.5. Laura rifles through her prizes -- clothes from each of the designers. It's this particular challenge prize that always makes the non-winners lose their shit a bit. This time, it's Kristin who looks at all the clothes and delivers a death glare in Laura's direction. And no distant memories of an invitation to share in the wonders of the Tyra Suite can ease the tension!

And then the girls go to jail. Jail! A very serious-looking corrections officer leads them off of their bus, and I'm sure is silently stewing about the fact that she doesn't have time for this shit. Kiara notes a keen feeling of dread, and tells us that this is her worst nightmare. As the girls are locked in a cell, Johnny approaches. He's very serious, and sends the girls through the booking process. Wait, you have to wipe off your makeup if you're arrested? How do Paris and Lindsay and the others remain so glamorous for their mug shots? The ladies don orange jumpsuits as Johnny voices over that each year, hundreds of thousands of college students are arrested for serious crimes. Hundreds of thousands? Really? These crimes include drunk driving, assault, drugs, and shoplifting. Despite what you're about to see in the impending photo shoot, Johnny sternly tells us that going to prison is NOT glamorous.

As the girls line up in their jumpsuits, cuffed to one another, Johnny scares them straight by saying that this whole experience has been to help them get into character for their photo shoot. They'll be shooting '50s retro bad girl fashion mug shots, which actually makes little ole' law abiding ME want to go to jail. The photographer for the day is Mark "The Cobra Snake" Hunter, who I think is actually Andy Kaufman. Brittany tells us that "The Cobra Snake" is kind of famous, which I guess is how he can afford that blue lame shirt and get away with being so hairy.

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America's Next Top Model

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