America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Cries Home

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As If Your Soul is Gone

We start with a reminder: Welcome (again!) to ANTM college edition! It's a reboot for the show kind of, except the contestants will be doing the same stupid shit as always, and probably Tyra will continue to talk about how Naomi Campbell was mean to her 20 years ago. The Nigel role on the judging panel has gotten a major hotness upgrade with the addition of supermodel Rob Evans; Katy Perry stylist Johnny Wujek was the only person on earth who had shirts ugly enough to match Jay Manuel, and so is the new creative consultant on photo shoots; and fashion blogger Bryanboy will be representing we, the people, at panel. There's a whole new scoring system, in which the girls get points for their challenge performance, points from each of the judges for their photos, and a "social media" score that is based on how fans ranked their photos, which are posted online after each shoot. Will someone tell me where those are? Clearly I care a lot about it since I can't be bothered to Google it even when I am already at my laptop. But it's such a pain to maximize the Firefox screen!

Previously: Quasi-educated bitches! Thirteen finalists attending college or some sort of trade school moved into their "sorority" house. The only one we should care about is Victoria, who is insane and goes to Liberty University online. And, spoiler alert, I cannot WAIT until we get to the part in this episode when she's doing calisthenics on the lawn. It may literally be my favorite thing ever to have happened on this show. I want to play it on a loop inside my brain, always.

Speaking of Victoria, she starts off the episode by telling us how she's gunning hard for the fan votes. Well, she has mine, that's for sure. My only demand is that she always be filmed while engaging in her daily calisthenics routine. She can turn all of the footage into a series of exercise DVDs called, "Crazy Off the Pounds!" Being crazy burns calories -- it's the new South Beach Diet! Jessie reminds us that she's a grad student in architecture at USC, and says that if she weren't doing architecture she'd be doing fashion design. This gives me hope that maybe we'll see her on Project Runway one day.

Tyra enters and everyone screams and screams, per usual. Kiara tells us that it's game time, and she's channeling her basketball persona into the competition. Whose head will she slam dunk? Kristin seems like the obvious choice. Tyra explains the new rules, and how everything they do will be graded/scored. She says it's no longer just qualitative, it's quantitative. Because now they are taking completely subjective opinions and assigning a numerical value to them! It's VERY scientific, obviously, and too much for those of us who didn't go (or not go) to Harvard Business School to understand. (And yes, I'm going to link to that Jezebel article in every recap.)

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America's Next Top Model

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