America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Cries Home

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As If Your Soul is Gone

There is Tyra Mail! On a TV screen, like in olden days. Someone is going home. Destiny thinks that she did well in the photo shoot, but only Kristin and Jessie were below her in the challenge scoring, and she doesn't think the judges will send either of them home. As she says yet again that she cannot go home, we head to commercials.

When we return, Tyra and her scraggly weave welcome the girls to their first judging. Kelly Cutrone is there, along with Rob Evans and "social media correspondent" Bryanboy. He wears a fascinator with a little veil, as befits a famous and highly influential fashion blogger. All of the models are wearing the same color red lipstick, which must be a Smashbox thing. Tyra notes that the girls' photos were posted online, and fans scored them 1-10 and left comments. Bryanboy's job is to collect all the data (I'm SO sure he's up late at night crunching all the numbers) and deliver it on this show. The fourth judge is the fans, and it's such a highly regarded position that our representative, Bryanboy, gets neither a chair nor a place to stand that is remotely near the judges' table. He's just sort of lurking awkwardly with his laptop way over in the corner while Cutrone requests six more cushions for her chair. The judges will also score the girls' photos, between 1-10, and that plus the challenge score plus the social media score will determine who stays and who goes home. Does this mean that we'll have to forego all the delightful panel bickering? Sads. There are prizes, which do not include a Cover Girl contract.

Yvonne, the challenge winner, is up first. Kelly thinks that she looks like a taxidermied shih tzu in her photo. I can't tell if that's a good or a bad thing. Tyra thinks that she looks like a bull, in a good way, but that she's better than this photo represents. Bryanboy announces that the fans online love Yvonne before introducing a really grainy fan video by a crazy lady wearing, I think, pelts. It's going to be a long season, you guys. Each of the judges gives Yvonne a 6, for a total of 18 points.

Kiara is up next, and Tyra thinks she looks like an African dance teacher. In a bad way. She throws off her earrings and tousles her hair and Tyra says that the whole thing is much better. Tyra loves Kiara's photo, but not because of anything that Kiara is bringing to it. All the credit goes to the DNA present in Kiara's cheekbones, and the hairstylist who managed to give her horns. Kiara has one of the lowest social media scores, according to Bryanboy. He reads a mean fan comment, then tells her that she needs to step up if she wants to stay in the competition. Rob tells her to flip through a magazine, before talking about all the hours he spends in front of the mirror. You know, practicing. Kelly gives Kiara a 7, Rob gives her an 8, and Tyra gives her a 7. These scores are more or less arbitrary, in case you have any doubt.

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America's Next Top Model

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