Thus far, I've been avoiding recapping the Cover Girl Beauty Tip of the Week, but finally I figured I might as well transcribe one in full. It's a bit like Shakespeare as performed by an Oompa Loompa and Penélope Cruz. On a rainy day, try acting it out with a friend!
Horsey Foreign Model: So I finally found my perfect foundation. This is the one!
Small, Orange Man: Not so fast. You know most women need two. A different shade for winter and summer.
SOM: Yeah, chances are your winter shade will probably look masky on you in the summertime, so you should try a shade or two deeper.
HFM: Good to know!
SOM: And when applying, remember your eyelids and lips. Your shadow and lipstick will last longer.
HFM: Love that!
Back at the Waldorf. Ann is frustrated because of her bad shoot. If Kelle or Jen has a good picture, Ann might leave. Kelle will be disappointed in herself if she is eliminated, because she has really been trying hard. Jennipher thinks she might leave, or she might stay. More like, she might leave slash very much might leave. Toccara says that she is happy and that the more people who leave, the closer she is to her dream, because she's not going home.
At the judges panel, Tyra looks astoundingly like RuPaul. Prizes. Judges. Janice is totally pretty. Nolé is still missing his tiny little dog, and frankly I'm becoming increasingly alarmed by the possibility that Tyrella De Vil's weave might hold the clue to Empress Minnie's disappearance. Photographer Mathew Jordan Smith is the guest judge. Janice administers the girls' test, which has a secret surprise -- they have to work with a tiny male model, whose name is Lanny Ward. Lanny takes off his shirt to display pecs that might be impressive, were he not so wee. Janice says that the girls will be judged on their ability to pose with Lanny. Carissa "Casting" Couch is the photographer. The girls manipulate Lanny awkwardly. And seriously, if you want to see dead eyes, take a look at Lanny. This is the best they could do, even at UPN? Kelle tries to get Lanny to move into a somewhat exotic pose, and he looks confused.
The judges evaluate the photos. Janice says that Toccara looks like she is a cavewoman who is going to throw Lanny over her shoulder, which I quite frankly would love to see. Tyra immediately jumps to Toccara's defense, because she loves Toccara. They look at her photo from the Dooney and Bourke shoot, which is lacking sexiness. Next is Norelle. Janice says that she needed to "engage with the boy," and demonstrates by pulling Nigel close to her. She says, "Ew," and he says, "That was scary." Aw, those two lovebirds and their PDA! Norelle's roller skating photo was great. Jennipher hid behind Lanny and -- surprise -- had no intensity. Her photo from the shoot sucked slash really sucked. Janice asks Jennipher why she wants to be a model, and Jennipher says, "We went through this last week." Oh, no she di'int! Janice says, "WHAT?" while pointing her magic pen of evil at Jennipher. The other girls all look astounded. Kiss. Of. Death. Tyra says that Lanny is showing up Eva. Nigel says something about Eva's hat on her skating shoot, and Eva explains that what looks like a hat was actually her hair. Janice says, "Why didn't he put the hat on your head instead of your face?" and Eva says, "That was the look he was going for." The judges all like the fact that she did not lay blame on someone else. Nicole was so-so with Lanny, but her skating photo was great. Tyra says it was the strongest picture in the bunch. Yaya is more of a dancer than a model. Janice thinks that Yaya's skating photo is tops. Nolé calls Ann his "orgasmic letdown." He gets excited about her, but every time he sees her photos he's like "Yes! Yes! ...No." Nigel says that Ann's photo is not bad, but that it's not the best she can do. She needs to be powerful and exciting. He points to Janice and Tyra as examples of powerful and exciting women, and Janice leans in to get a kiss on the cheek. Aww. The judges love Amanda, both with Lanny and in her skating shot. Blah blah blah. Man. I am going to have to get used to the fact that Amanda's going to stick around for a while. Cassie was boring and "safe." Kelle was very bossy with Lanny and intimidated him. She gets points for trying something different. Janice says that Kelle's neck looks like that of a quarterback in her skating photo, and that she has the same face in every photograph. Janice throws her head down on her hands to show her disgust.