America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Cries When She Looks In The Mirror

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
This Episode Was Brought To You By The Letter "F"

Tyra mail! Someone is going home tomorrow. Kelle tells Amanda that she's nervous about seeing the pictures. Amanda says that she hopes Kelle did well, and that "You can't leave me, I won't have a frieeeeeeend." Always thinking of others, that Amanda. Amanda interviews that she thinks it will be Kelle or Ann who is eliminated, which of course means that it's going to be Jennipher. The editors on this show really need to do something to build up the suspense factor a little bit. Ann talks to her mother on the phone and says that she feels like she hasn't been good enough. Her mom says whatever will be will be, and that Ann should be happy to have gotten so far. Ann cries and says that she really wants to win the competition, and her mom says that maybe Ann is not meant to be America's Next Top Model. Tears. Commercials.

Thus far, I've been avoiding recapping the Cover Girl Beauty Tip of the Week, but finally I figured I might as well transcribe one in full. It's a bit like Shakespeare as performed by an Oompa Loompa and Penélope Cruz. On a rainy day, try acting it out with a friend!

Horsey Foreign Model: So I finally found my perfect foundation. This is the one!
Small, Orange Man: Not so fast. You know most women need two. A different shade for winter and summer.
HFM: Really?!?!
SOM: Yeah, chances are your winter shade will probably look masky on you in the summertime, so you should try a shade or two deeper.
HFM: Good to know!
SOM: And when applying, remember your eyelids and lips. Your shadow and lipstick will last longer.
HFM: Love that!

And, scene.

Back at the Waldorf. Ann is frustrated because of her bad shoot. If Kelle or Jen has a good picture, Ann might leave. Kelle will be disappointed in herself if she is eliminated, because she has really been trying hard. Jennipher thinks she might leave, or she might stay. More like, she might leave slash very much might leave. Toccara says that she is happy and that the more people who leave, the closer she is to her dream, because she's not going home.

At the judges panel, Tyra looks astoundingly like RuPaul. Prizes. Judges. Janice is totally pretty. Nolé is still missing his tiny little dog, and frankly I'm becoming increasingly alarmed by the possibility that Tyrella De Vil's weave might hold the clue to Empress Minnie's disappearance. Photographer Mathew Jordan Smith is the guest judge. Janice administers the girls' test, which has a secret surprise -- they have to work with a tiny male model, whose name is Lanny Ward. Lanny takes off his shirt to display pecs that might be impressive, were he not so wee. Janice says that the girls will be judged on their ability to pose with Lanny. Carissa "Casting" Couch is the photographer. The girls manipulate Lanny awkwardly. And seriously, if you want to see dead eyes, take a look at Lanny. This is the best they could do, even at UPN? Kelle tries to get Lanny to move into a somewhat exotic pose, and he looks confused.

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America's Next Top Model




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