And, in full-on torture mode, the show makes them go to the Hilton for the photo shoot. Inside of a room, the girls come face to face with a close-up view of the Eiffel Tower right across the street, and for some reason I can't stop thinking about how different it would be if Ebony were still there, because I have this whole mental image of her walking in and being all, "This is something! This is amazing! I had a moment of religious epiphanosity" and so on until I climbed into the TV myself and dived-bombed out the window in order to impale myself on a hundred and fifteen years' worth of French history to just. Make. Her. Stop. Talking.

As they ready themselves for the shoot, we're given a Shannon revisiting primer. We'll let Adrianne take this one, what with her faultless oratory skills and all: "I have no idea what it is Shannon is holding inside. She's just so crazy because she's never done anything. She's never touched herself. She's never watched a porn." Y'know what? This is now none of my business. While applying her makeup, a suddenly emergent Jay "Jay/ What you been doin'/ You say your car broke down/ The thing just isn't movin'/ J.J./ Don't you know/ When you're down there's just one way to go" Manuel asks Shannon if she thinks it's okay to masturbate. Shannon, typically and one-dimensionally naïve, gives the money shot answer: "I knew a guy who did it, but I didn't know we could do it to ourselves." She then makes a horrified face at the notion of getting acquainted with one's lady parts that I remember making only once in public right before it turned into the worst prom night ever.