America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Didn’t Hug Goodbye

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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

First and foremost, as a recapper of my word, I must give a shout out to Shary Bobbins, winner of the small prize (which is, er, a shout-out) for convincingly arguing why twenty minutes of my life was not wasted in watching last week's tea ceremony. What does that have to do with modeling, I asked. Shary replied:

"Ooh ooh! I might know! Well, my co-worker told me. She's been to Japan and said that frequently, wealthy Japanese businesspersons will hire models to assist at tea ceremonies. You know, to splash around the opulence. So I guess on Top Model it was a covert form of hooker training."

I feel like I saw that on an episode of Law and Order: SVU. And now, on with the show.

Previously on America's Next Top Model: Yaya won her fifth challenge in a row, which caused a multitude of eye rolls. Ann "lost her love for Eva" (e.g. back to the ole' Hitachi Magic Wand for you, ladies!) and had it out with her in front of the others. In the end, it was Norelle, my little diamond in the rough, who was sent home, thus ensuring a joyless final four. Who will be eliminated next? Come on you guys, muster up some excitement.

Tokyo! Bright lights, neon signs. Ann is bitching about how, you know, she's not very much like a model. She tells Eva that it's not like her to wear pumps every day. I'm sorry, but did she just say "pumps"? Maybe she sports them on special occasions with a pair of slacks (or on casual days, dungarees) and matching pocketbook. I mean, I think saying "pumps" should mean that she's automatically eliminated. She says that it's much more "her" to wear sweatpants and a bandanna. You know, like Ami from Survivor does. Ann also says that she doesn't wear makeup unless she's going to "the bar." And you know "the bar" she's talking about is, like, The Golden Puss or some such thing. And there is a lot of Melissa Etheridge on that jukebox, is all I'm saying. Eva says that she doesn't wear makeup either, and Ann retorts, "Yeah you do, and you know damn well you put it on every day." See, Ann put Eva on the defensive with the whole Norelle thing, and now feels free to just bitch at her whenever she sees fit. I don't have any idea why Eva takes it. Eva interviews that she and Ann were close coming into the competition, but that as time progressed, they started to drift apart. Ann interviews that she and Ann will likely continue to be friends but, since the Norelle incident, it will never be the same. You know, first Ellen and Anne, then Ellen and her next girlfriend, and now this. I have a dearth of good relationship models, you guys. It's depressing.

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America's Next Top Model

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