America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Didn't Hug Goodbye

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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

And now it's time for an all new Cover Girl Beauty Tip of the Week, starring a small orange man and a horsy foreign model.

[The setting is a salon. Techno music typically found in any gay disco underscores the action.]
Horsy Foreign Model: [with incredible enthusiasm] Hey, Jay, what's new in nails?!?
Small Orange Man: [as if he has just invented sliced bread] How about the end of the three-step manicure?
HFM: [with incredible disgust] Yeah! Who has time for base coat, color, top coat too?!?
SOM: [thinking, "My career has really taken off"] Cover Girl's thoughts exactly. Check out their new continuous color nail polish!
HFM: [with incredible flatness] Ooh, so many shades to choose from.
SOM: [pretending to have a well-developed sense of irony] Try forty. But who's counting?
HFM: [sassily] Give me that one. I have a party to go to!
SOM: [sassily] Can I come?
HFM: [sassily] But you don't know anybody!
SOM: [sassily, and also kind of creepily] Oh, but I will.

For the love of God, somebody please fire Jay. He is the worst, and is really starting to freak me out.

Back in Tokyo, Tyra takes the girls to dinner with her "Japanese family," who are the ex-wife of her brother, her niece, and various other relatives not worth official introductions. Tyra's niece is cute and she likes steak. Amanda says that it's good to have family around, even if it's not your own. And, sometimes, especially if it's not your own.

The girls arrive home and find Tyra Mail. And you know, they just saw her so she totally could have just told them. Someone will be eliminated. Amanda interviews that the further they go, the more surreal things get. Yeah, tell it to Adrianne. And I must now take a moment to pause and note that apparently our very own Season 1 winner, Adrianne Curry, gets a little hot and heavy with Peter Brady on the upcoming season of The Surreal Life. My brain is totally about to explode. Amanda interviews that she can't believe she might make it to the top three, and says with a lisp that it's "abtholutely ludicrith." Yaya interviews that at this point, all four of the girls have "it" or can get "it." Which, translated into non-Ivy League speak, means that none of them have a prayer of actually being a model. Ann confides in Eva that she feels like she doesn't deserve to be there because of the way the judges pick her apart. Eva interviews that she hopes that Ann has a good photo in her, because she doesn't want Ann to go home. Eva, you are being too nice.

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America's Next Top Model




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