America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Didn't Hug Goodbye

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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Eva Diva straddles the bike. Jay tells her that she's bobbing her head, which, coincidentally, is one of his areas of expertise. Eva says that it's difficult to work a motorcycle, and that you have to "find your angle, and just what makes you look longer stronger, taller, fierce...it's kind of difficult trying to keep it all together." And this, I think, is why Eva does take consistently good pictures: she's aware of what her body is doing in the context of the shot. Jay tells her that she needs to pull it out, and be less coy and "more...grrr." And that, my friends, is the extent of his skill as art director. "More...grrr." Please, someone, fire him. He says that Eva tries hard, and that he loves her personality, but that she was flat in the shoot.

And then, Ann. She's kind of dressed like a crackhead Dutch schoolboy. She is a broken shell of an already broken shell. She has no energy and no confidence. And, of course, The Dowager doesn't help. He sighs at her. He tells her that she has an amazing background and looks incredible, and that they are down to the final four. Ann starts to cry and says she feels like she doesn't deserve to be there, and that every time someone says something, she feels worse. Jay asks if she has some kind of reference for her look and setting, and asks if she has, at the very least, seen The Matrix. Ann stares blankly. Jay says that every time he comes up with a visual reference for Ann, she doesn't get it. And his two references have been The Matrix and My Fair Lady. In all fairness, I think the problem might be that his references have nothing to do with the shoots, and therefore generate bewilderment. Jay continues to yell at Ann, and tells her to hate him to generate some passion. She says that she doesn't hate him, and that she loves him, which I think might be a stretch. Jay says that Ann can't rely on someone provoking her constantly to eke out a good picture. As she walks off with the Jays, Ann says that she sucks. She interviews that she thinks that others want to help her but are giving up hope, and that she's giving up on herself as well.

The next day. An orange-headed invader slinks its way into the girls' abode. Oh wait, it's just Tyra. And it just occurred to me that maybe the reason Norelle thought that Japan was like space is because Tyra is so ubiquitous. Tyra calls the girls together and tells them that when she started to travel the world, she got very homesick, so her mom started traveling with her. Anyone who thinks that sounds like a fun time, raise your hands. Yeah, I thought so. And I love my mom, but seriously. Tyra says that her mom is there today, and the girls all go, "Awwwwwwwwww!" And I go, "Ewwwwwwwww!" Tyra's mom kind of looks like Simpson from Ashford & Simpson. Or is it Ashford? Yaya says there's something about a mommy that makes you feel like everything's okay. Yeah, tell it to Christina Crawford. Tyra says that instead of a one-on-one talk, they'll have a "two-on-one." Just...argh.

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America's Next Top Model

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