America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Everyone Thinks Is Killing Herself

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Anorexia, Anorexia/Intimate, Obstinate/Anorexia

Caw! Caw! It's still the middle of winter -- as you might have noticed -- and we're outside in Central Park where we find a hansom cab and Steve Santagati. Also coincidentally the top two answers in a recent Village Voice survey that asked, "What about living in New York City makes you stop periodically and ask, 'What's that smell?'" And they casually tacked the word "journalist" below Steve Santagati's name, and he slams this point home by telling the ladies, "I am a working member of the press," which would be as true as Jordan Knight suddenly appearing behind him and announcing, "I am a working member of the music industry" before we discovered that, during the rest of his time, he drives this here horse-drawn carriage for money. We learn that today's challenge will take the form of "a television interview," even though it will take place on a horse. Each of them is given a fifteen-minute interview, and the winners of the challenge get to have "one of their loved ones flown in." Steve Santagati seems to think he's going to be the one chosen. I just hope it's not on a day when he's hosting Weekend Extra. Because try and get a sub for THAT gig.

Adrianne is up first. Steve Santagati asks the probing question, wondering why Adrianne wants to be a model. She trots out the "tomboy" talking point, saying that she likes it when she's transformed "into a woman." Robin says that she always likes to be "morally correct," Kesse disappears in my estimation just a little bit more every time I look at her, and Shannon wants us to know that she don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do? Adrianne lost her virginity when she was sixteen, whereas Robin does not kiss and tell. Giselle says that she won't model in the nude, Adrianne says that the most important thing in her life is her mom, and Elyse shares her feelings that "Giselle is very immature, Adrianne is the worst listener I've ever encountered, and I think Robin and Shannon are a little proselytizing." Speaking of which, Steve Santagati ends things by telling Robin, "No one is that together," to which she responds, "Well, you met Robin today." At the end of the interviews, Steve Santagati tells them all that they did a good job, sharing his industry expertise with the inadvertently brilliant "My decision is based on my experience from interviewing everybody from firemen to Jennifer Lopez." Ah, how he has dined with kings. He tells Adrianne that she was very "real," but complains to Robin that she wears her religion "on her sleeve." He thought Shannon was "bubbly and fun," that Giselle didn't let him get away with anything, and he didn't remember who Kesse was, either. But his winner is Elyse because she did everything that was a "textbook wrong" in an interview. This dude has never seen anything in a textbook. He thought Elyse was personable, outspoken, and fun. He crowns her the winner, and Elyse picks Adrianne as her co-winner, which makes Adrianne sob because it means that her mother is coming to New York. Adrianne weepily tells us in a confessional, "I'm just so happy that I had this opportunity to have her come out here, 'cause she ain't never seen Times Square or nothing." I see she's so thankful she's fallen into Robin's lordly grammar.

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America's Next Top Model

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