America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Flops In The Mud

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The Kloof Will Set You Free

The girls pull up to yet another beautiful location in the mountains. They are greeted by the crew, led by producer Jim Deyonker. He explains that Kloofing is "going through water, rocks, upstream, through a canyon to location." That sounds awfully specific. He introduces photographer Anton Robert (pronounced "Ro-bare") and pulls out some wetsuits. The girls look disturbed. Brittany has complete hangover face and admits that she just woke up. Jim says that when she gets in the water, she'll be wide awake. Keenyah's suit is covered in bird poop, which seems appropriate. Naima interviews that Keenyah was complaining that Kloofing has nothing to do with modeling, but Naima said that if you can't drive to a location, you have to get there somehow. And here I always thought that models could fly. The girls hike through tall grasses and swim in a mountain stream. Brittany yells and complains a lot and is freaked out by not being able to see the bottom of the stream they're in. At one point she yells that something is bubbling. "Did you fart?" asks one of the crew. Brittany denies it, though I think we all know what really happened. Kahlen says that Kloofing was an experience.

At the end of their journey, the girls are greeted by Jay Manuel, who sure as hell did not go Kloofing in his brown leather jacket. We'd have known if he had by the telltale orange hue of the stream. He tells the girls that he knows they are tired and raggedy-looking, but that their job is to look gorgeous and serene even after their Adventures in Kloofing. He tells them that their wardrobe for the day is "the environment." Just when I think that this will entail costumes along the lines of ozone holes and melting polar ice caps, Jay tells them that they will have to pull "leaves, branches, twine" and make their wardrobe. "Twine"? Too bad their shoot location wasn't closer to this. ["If they're not, I guess we know twine's not an option for Keenyah." -- Wing Chun]

The girls get made up. They are in vans at the end of what is obviously a road, so Kloofing, my ass. Mathu tells Brittany that she is a beautiful girl, but a mess. She agrees. The person who has to brush out Kahlen's weave makes a disgruntled noise. Keenyah confirms with Q (the singularly letter named stylist) that she must indeed choose all of her natural accoutrements herself. Q accompanies Keenyah to collect grasses and twigs and whatnot, and offers a bit of help. She tells Keenyah to think about what she wants to accentuate, and notes that this is a competition, so she wants to look her best. Read: cover the gut. Christina says that she wants to find something unique that none of the other girls will think of. She tears down a whole bush so that no one else can have a similar look. And seriously, does Cape Town have a Parks and Recreation Department? Because the earth is being violated. Q eggs on Christina's blooming competitiveness. Naima says that she wants something edgy, and picks some spiky, dried-out flowers. She then digs up dirt with a corkscrew. I love how that's the one tool that the crew has on hand. Naima interviews that she had no qualms about digging in because she is a part of the earth and the earth is a part of her. And she treats it with HAY-SPAY-TU!

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America's Next Top Model

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