America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Forgot Her Shoes

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Don't You Mean, "The Girl Whose Thighs Were Twenty-Nine Inches Around"?

Cassie tells Michele that she has very wide hips. Michele says that's a good thing, and Cassie replies that Marc Bouwer told her she was too big. She is never going to be able to let that go. I was just reminded of how Marc Bouwer was an asshole and got all mad again. In her photos, Cassie is alternately a sweet, innocent girl and a sideshow Marie Antoinette-like dominatrix. She interviews that she's concerned about her uncle who might be dying, and she hopes it doesn't show in her pictures. The sinus infection! It's gone to his brain! Yaya is a girl in a pretty dress, and a seventeenth-century courtesan ghost. She loves saying the words "seventeenth-century courtesan." You went to Brown. We know. Davide thinks that Yaya was brilliant. Next is Amanda in ladylike pink, and then covered in a stocking with thigh-high boots. The latter is totally ugly, and I hope that it was sabotage. At the end of her shoot, she kisses Davide on the cheek. Someone is getting a little big for her britches, I think.

In wardrobe, Michele says to Toccara, "What size did you tell me you are, a 12 or is it really a 14?" See, already she's kind of being bitchy because Toccara is big. Toccara, who is being outfitted in an orange button-down shirt, says that she looks like she works in a bowling alley. Michele says that she doesn't. But she totally does. It's undeniable. She looks like she should have a spray can of disinfectant in her hand. Toccara interviews that she wanted to know why all the other girls looked so nice, and she looked like she worked at Home Depot. Ha! It's so true. Everyone else gets a freaky, sexy look, and Toccara gets a shirt that is totally from the T.J. Maxx men's clearance rack. It's wrong. Michele says something about Toccara doing plus-sized catalogs, and Toccara says that this is high-fashion, and that she has to prove herself to the high-fashion people. There's a bit of an awkward cut, and Michele snits, "Do you think that I'm going to be able to get a rack like this loaded with clothes in your size?" Because a rack that will fit Toccara's rack is an impossibility. Toccara says, "You can't find something in my size so I'm supposed to feel bad?" Michele looks a little like Melissa Rivers. And I don't mean that as a compliment. I kind of hate her. Michele says that Toccara is taking everything as a negative, and that she doesn't understand "how this whole modeling thing works" and has no appreciation. Miss J. is eavesdropping. Michele then pinches Toccara, and Toccara screams in an overdramatic fashion. Michelle gives a disgusted "Oh my God." And Toccara might be pulling a bit of an unwarranted diva attitude here, but the truth is that every other girl looked either pretty or freakily cool on both ends of their shots, and Toccara gets a plain and frumpy orange shirt.

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America's Next Top Model

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