Okay, folks: Potes is on a much-deserved birthday excursion this week and I will be taking the reins of this week's recap.
Previously on ANTM: Cassandra decided to leave the show rather than cut her hair again, announcing that she would go back to pageants (with that cut, she should sing a song from Oliver! as her talent). Sarah's crush on Kim was what prevented her from keeping her balance while wearing a Mata Hari get-up and standing on a revolving turntable. Sarah was eliminated. Only nine hos to go!
Kim reflects on being in the bottom two with Sarah. She's really glad that she didn't leave, but wonders "sometimes" if maybe Sarah deserved to stay more than she did.
Diane produces a camera and says that the girls should take a picture. Everyone is very excited by this idea. After a few cute sorority-girl party pics (question: why is it that women, in numbers greater than one, think that it is necessary to lean into photos? Kyle, there's room for you in the frame. Chill out and stand up straight), Jayla has a great idea. So, great, in fact, that her statement is subtitled for us, though she is standing on a table above the other girls and 100% intelligible: "Let's take some topless ones." First of all: girls, you are all going to hear those words again. Also, you know Jayla was just working her way up to the Full Monty so she could get a peek at Coryn's she-nis. Well, they all have their tops off faster than Lisa can down a fifth of Grey Goose. (Would someone please tell Lisa that trucker caps went out with Katharine Hepburn? Like, they died then. Don't wear one.) In her interview, Diane laughs that "these girls are crazy." Nicole, Lisa, Bre, and Jayla are standing on a bench with their boobs in their hands as Diane sort of arranges where they are standing. Jayla must have tiny hands, because every time you see her holding her chest, it's still blurred. Maybe she's holding everything but the nipple. Diane says, "Oh, damn, this is getting serious." I don't really know why. No one was serious. I'm assuming it's because the girls posed in such a way that a boob would be hidden by another girl's arm, creating breast-to-other-girl contact. Diane apparently don't play that. It's well-documented, though, that Kim absolutely does. Where the hell is she? Re-watching Bound? Lisa reveals that she likes to have a good time and that they were being crazy. Nicole formulates a theory about why Diane was taking the photos: Diane didn't want to be in the photos. Next week, Nicole cures the avian flu. The last set-up of this impromptu photo romp is on the stairs, where all girls finally make an appearance, though Kim, Kyle, and Nik have their tops on. Diane tells them that she wants to see sexy. We all want to see sexy, Diane. As she's taking the pictures, she voice-overs that she is different from the other girls, what with her curves and all, yet she is competing with the skinny girls. Right, so take off your damn top and pose, woman! For real though, I can't think of a competition with these girls that you could more handily win. Unless maybe it was firefighting. I have a feeling Diane could be a really bad-ass firefighter. Diane takes the final shot and shows the girls the results (the camera is digital), saying, "Kim, you look like a pimp." Bre is super-comfortable with being topless.