America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Gets A Boob Job

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: B- | Grade It Now!
Flaw Week!

Next, Lisa asks if we want to see her "secret bag." She's scaring me. She totally looks like Amanda Peet if she were playing Aileen Wuornos. Lisa shows Nicole the contents of the "bag." It's what you'd expect: liquor and cigarettes. Nicole asks if she can have a swig of vodka, and Lisa says, "No. I actually don't want to share it with anyone." Then, we're on the deck, where Lisa is telling Diane to stand in the mirror and make faces she is not used to making. Then, in an interview she conducts while wearing Jody Watley's old earrings, Lisa explains that she "tries to help the girls" because she wants the competition to be good. That's a very game attitude and I'm sure the producers love her for it, but I don't believe her. Only the villains in Ashley Judd movies do that thing where they respect their prey and that nonsense. Lisa's just trying to justify all her drunken blathering. (And, no, people, I never wanted to have to reference Jody Watley. For anything.) Next, Coryn is summoned to the throne of Lisa. Diane tells Coryn that "LisaMom" wants to talk to her. That makes me feel a little queasy. Kim is looking on, bored. Coryn appears while someone is brushing her hair from behind. She will only stick her head out of the door to see what Lisa wants. I guess she did this because she doesn't want to look like she's following Lisa's orders, but her odd positioning makes for a really unflattering shot. Having her hair frizzed to hell and backlit makes her look kind of evil. Lisa proceeds to tell Coryn that she needs to stop working out or she's only going to be a "sports girl." She's unnecessarily bossy and Coryn is really defensive. Kim starts drooling, she's so bored. Coryn says, "Why would I listen to somebody I'm competing against? That's just stupid." Good point, Coryn. However, you look like Skeletor. You gotta listen to somebody sometime. In an interview, Coryn repeats Lisa's criticism and says, "Whatever, I was working out last night."

Tyra Mail! Nik opens it: "Pluses and minuses -- Who says models can't do math? Be ready at 12:00 PM." Then, the girls discuss whether they are good at math or not. Do they...really think they're going to be doing math?

The next day, the girls are driven in that white Humvee limo thing to Smashbox. Lisa blows a weird kiss to the freaked-out limo driver as they are walking in. Jay Manuel tells them that Smashbox is the home of L.A. Fashion Week. The girls are not impressed. He continues to explain how important Twiggy was to the fashion industry, since her thin figure was very different from those of the working models of her time. I know you can gauge culture with fashion and that's fairly important to anthropological studies, but Jesus, Jay! Twiggy is not Charlemagne. She's a footnote to a chapter of pop culture, not a pillar of Western civilization. He's acting like she invented breathing or something. Diane says, "Yeah, I know who Twiggy was. She was the supermodel who changed the whole skinny industry [sic]." Then, she arches an eyebrow and laughs. That was some unclear communicating. I guess she was dryly making a joke because Twiggy is skinny and Diane's larger, but it was really weird. She needs to loosen up. Jay proceeds, saying that nobody is perfect and thatyou have to learn to turn your flaws into assets. And, Twiggy is going to help them do that. Twiggy comes out and says it's nice to see the girls close up. She seems really sweet. I like her army green jacket. Kim does, too. She says that Twiggy is a role model for her, and that it seems that Twiggy genuinely wants all the girls to do well. I'm going to take this time to say that, though I know there is some major hate abounding for Kim in the forums, she can be really freaking gorgeous. Sitting on the sofa at Smashbox, she is incredibly hot. This is compounded by the fact that she is sitting next to Lisa, who is wearing that fucking trucker cap and knee-high boots. Now, Lisa looks like Taylor Dayne. Why is she making me do this?

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America's Next Top Model




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