America's Next Top Model

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Elizabeth is wearing an African necklace with a mask on the bottom of it, that one hopes might have the same effect as Greg Brady's tiki necklace. She sends the girls off to save the world with a magic marker and cardstock. Sarah, Saleisha and Ebony form one group and seem to be moving right along, footloose and fancy free. Ambreal, Heather and Jenah, however, get the cricket chirp, universally a bad sign. Lisa, Chantal, and Bianca form the third group and seem to be doing well, thanks to the ideas sparked by Bianca's turning mind. Like so many, she can use her talents for good or for evil, and most often chooses the latter. Heather tells us that she wants to do well on the challenge, and that it is important to be a good spokesmodel. Ed McMahon would agree. However, says Heather, they need another hour. I think that's exactly what she said to Tyson while she was giving her wine glass a rim job. Commercials.

When we return, we get to see the complete PSAs. Bianca, Chantal, and Lisa go for a "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil -- wrong!" theme. I just want to add "wrong!" to make a PSA out of every known cliché. "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush -- wrong!" "Take a licking and keep on ticking -- wrong!" "Different sores for different whores -- wrong!" I found that last one at a cliché-finder web site. If I had known that one previously, believe you me, you would have heard it by now. Lisa does her part pretty well, Chantal stumbles a little, and then Bianca completely effs up. She forgets the name of the organization and then also talks about the AIDS "pedemic" among other things. Bianca interviews some nonsense about how, at the end of the day, getting your thoughts out is more effective. There is a getting-your-thoughts-out pedemic ravaging the nation, apparently.

Jenah, Heather, and Ambreal are next. They have big Bob Dylan-esque signs with relevant numbers and web sites that Jenah holds up to the camera. Except that none of these girls are on the pavement thinking about the government. The cue cards drop with a hilarious thud. It didn't seem to me like they did that great, but what do I know? There's an inability-to-judge-accurately pedemic going around my house. It's just one of the many illsnesses I've had to deal with recently, if you want to know the truth. Saleisha, Sarah and Ebony take a female-empowerment approach to the issue. They recite their lines pretty smoothly, probably because they don't let Ebony do much talking. Ebony is very excited and thinks their commercial is really good. I do too!

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America's Next Top Model

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