America's Next Top Model

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Tyra begins deliberations by calling the judges "ladies and gentlemen," then asking Miss J. which one he is. Wow, good one, Tyra. I'm sure nobody's ever thought of that before. Saleisha's improving, which is a mark of a top model, and she also wants it really bad. Jenah's been consistently on top, and has great bone structure and eyes. Ebony isn't doing so great, and Tyra wonders if she really wants to be there. Miss J. wants to ship her off, and Tyson says that she gets it but doesn't want to hear the critique. Sarah has one of the best faces of the competition and the camera loves her, and if she could just keep a plus-size physique, she'd have a niche career knocked out for her. Despite Bianca's stiff arm, she's coming into her own. Lisa's kind of stagnant. Heather has a fantastic face, and the judges finally know she can pose straight-on. Ambreal is a nice girl, but not necessarily a model. Chantal's a great girl, but Tyson still doesn't like the wind machine. He is pretty useless unless you want some tips on how to get a spoon rest really hard.

Nine girls, eight pho-tos, blah blah blah. Tyra calls: Saleisha, Jenah, Heather, Bianca, Sarah, Chantal and Lisa. This, of course, leaves Ebony and Ambreal. Surprised? Yeah, me neither. They had the worst pictures of the bunch, which, Tyra says, is interesting, because they both know how to model. But the judges feel that one of them has the potential to get better. And that's Ebony.

And then! It's the moment of reckoning. Ebony tells Tyra she doesn't want to be there. Ty-bot repeats, "You don't want to be here?" because she is only programmed to receive girls down on their knees, crying grateful tears. Ebony starts crying, saying that she isn't happy and she doesn't think modeling is for her. Tyra is remaining REALLY calm throughout this whole thing, I guess because she doesn't think she can live down another "I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE THIS!" Plus, maybe after nine seasons, the meds have finally kicked in. Tyra says that what really isn't for Ebony is people telling her what to do, and people telling her she's not perfect. She thinks that's what Ebony can't handle. Oh, but wait, it gets better. Tyra says, "And the most unattractive thing in the world to me is a quitter. And for that, you can go." Oh, magnanimous Tyra! How benevolent of you to let her go after she already quit. I hate her.

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America's Next Top Model

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